Premier sets the record straight


NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet (main picture) has clarified that his recently announced ban on singing, dancing, and mingling is not related to the state’s fight against the omicron variant of the coronavirus.

“The Premier has been surprised that the media and others have linked the decision with the pandemic response,” a spokesperson for the Premier said.

“It’s got nothing to do with it. The ban is just one of several new social policies the Premier has been planning to roll out ever since he was ordained… I mean, sworn in.

“The papal….. I mean, the Premier’s ruling reflects the type of society he wants NSW to be. It’s that simple.

“His Holi….. I mean, the Premier is fearful that singing, dancing, and mingling especially among young people may lead to them engaging in sexual relations.

“The Ponti…sorry… Premier also wants it to be known that there are exemptions to the ban.

“First of all he acknowledges that sex between a young couple that follows on from singing, dancing or mingling is quite acceptable, provided they are married.

“Second, a married couple having sex in such circumstances is fine provided they use protection – both should be double-vaxed at minimum – but do not use artificial contraception.”

The spokesperson said Premier Perrottet believed his new policy was workable and would be accepted by young couples throughout NSW.

“By that The Infallible One … sorry…. The Premier means heterosexual couples, of course,” the spokesperson said.

“If they’re not hetero then they’ll be able to do all the singing, dancing or mingling they like – seeing they’re all going to end up burning in Hell for all eternity.”