Dan Andrews makes a change


Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has taken radical actions to help ensure better media coverage of his government’s decisions, especially those related to the fight against the COVID-19 pandemic.

In an announcements early this morning, Mr Andrews said he would contact the state’s Office of Births, Deaths and Marriages first thing on Monday morning to adopt a new name.

“Hopefully, as soon as possible after Monday I will be known as Dominic Perrottet,” Mr Andrews told reporters at a news conference at Parliament House.

“I have also contacted the state secretary of the Victorian branch of the Labor Party who has put the wheels in motion to change our party’s name to the Liberal Party.

“I have taken these steps after seeing an early copy of the Saturday Daily Telegraph newspaper published by News Corp Australia in Sydney.

“The NSW Premier’s decision to backflip and impose restrictions on social gatherings, such as no singing, dancing or mingling indoors, were pretty much waved through by the Daily Tele.

“I note the paper played down the decision and gave it just a brief matter-of-fact pointer on its front page (main picture) and an inside news story that didn’t even explicitly link the NSW Premier to the decision.

“He was included in the middle of the story with just a few bland lines about making ‘sensible and proportionate changes’ in the pandemic battle. (pictured)

“Fuck me, I wish the Tele’s Melbourne sister paper the Herald-Sun would provide similar coverage for my sensible and proportionate decisions as Premier of Victoria.

“But I know they won’t, so I have reached the conclusion that I must change my and my party’s name in a bid to secure better coverage.”