Taliban congratulates Blair

The Taliban government of Afghanistan has sent a message to former UK prime minister Sir Tony Blair congratulating him on his knighthood.

Queen Elizabeth has designated the former UK Labour Party leader as a Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter as part of new year’s honours announced in London.

A Taliban spokesperson said the message sent to Sir Tony contained “hearty and sincere congratulations” for the recognition the knighthood bestowed upon him.

“The Taliban owes Sir Tony a great deal,” the spokesperson explained.

“As UK PM Sir Tony was a spineless, malleable, happy clapping poodle who unquestioningly followed the lead of that warmongering borderline cretin, US President George W Bush. (main picture)

“After the invasion of Afghanistan by coalition forces hunting Osama Bin Laden following the 2001 terror attacks in America, we – the Taliban – were driven from power and had to flee as the then just Mr Tony and the madman Bush sought to deliver democracy to our nation.

“But then Blair totally backed Bush’s fatally misguided 2003 war on Iraq to topple Saddam Hussein’s regime which had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks and they took their eye off the ball here in Afghanistan which eventually paved the way for our return to power last year.

“So you could say Sir Tony helped to make us what we are today – an oppressive, misogynistic, backwards, fundamentalist regime ruling Afghanistan with an iron fist.

“So much for democracy, hey?” the spokesperson said, bursting into laughter but suddenly checking himself after remembering that laughter was banned in his country under its new government.

The spokesperson added that the Taliban government was disappointed that former Australian prime minister John Howard – another fervent backer of the war in Iraq – had not been recognised in a similar manner to Sir Tony.

“If Her Majesty does not bestow the same or equivalent status on Mr Howard we are prepared to institute our own honour,” he said.

“We’re toying with Man of Steal or Most Noble Order of the Lying Runted Rodent, something along those lines.”