It was a close-run thing but The Bug’s Media Glass House Arse-Licker of the Month for December goes to …. drum roll please … The Sunday Mail’s Peter Gleeson.
That’s the newspaper in Brisbane; let’s assume that the masthead in Adelaide would have more pride in itself to give this bloke a regular column. Then again, maybe not.
Readers will remember that back on December 18, The Bug’s Arse-Licker judges were fairly confident that a fine piece of brown-nosing by The Daily Telegraph’s James Morrow and Clare Armstrong would be very unlikely to be overtaken for the month’s award.
Both had swallowed all pride amongst other things in trying to convince the paper’s dwindling readership that the Morrison ministry had performed okay in 2021 and that Scott Morrison – get on the floor and prepare to start rolling and laughing – had ended the year a winner!
But wiser heads in The Bug office prevailed at the time. There’s still two weeks to go, they argued, and right now the likes of Des Houghton or Peter Gleeson or James Morrow or that bald prick from the Herald Sun or any of the Newscorpse sheilas could be penning something even more ring-cleaningly masterful.
And sure enough, along came this piece (at top) from Peter Gleeson of the shiny-suit brigade.
And in giving the award to Peter, the judges even largely ignored the 1950s xenophoebia displayed in the first column and a half, although there sure were some beauties there.
“This may well be a khaki election. Who would you prefer running the country with China flexing its military might – Morrison and Dutton or Albanese and Marles?” Gleeson asked.
“There are many Australians who will vote for the Coalition in these uncertain geopolitical times,” he pleaded …. sorry … he wrote.
China saw “Comrade” Albanese as a pushover.
See what Gleeso did there?
“China’s exuberance to see [the Commie left, pinko, fellow travellers] Labor elected may backfire.” OH, GOD, WE HOPE SO, FOR AUSTRALIA’S SAKE. right, Peter?
But it was the arse-licking stuff to follow that really caught our judges’ eyes.
“The Prime Minister will talk of Labor just taxing its way out of the economic malaise,” Gleeson says of the 2022 election.
Yes, Gleeson appears to have Morrison’s ear, as well as being on very personal terms with other body parts of the great man.
And do you also see what Gleeso did there? It’s okay to admit an economic malaise to show how reasonable and balanced you are, provided that it’s an unspoken and unwritten given that after three consecutive LNP governments have racked up enormous national debt and even got the nation into a technical recession even before COVID-19 struck, it’s only a reelected LNP government that’s capable of fixing the mess that they have created.
And then there was this: “The strength of the economy, the momentum around the post COVID recovery and Treasurer Josh Frydenberg’s stellar performance plays well for the conservatives.”
When you consider the Morrison government is among the highest taxing governments of all time, the PM’s botched vaccine strollout that was never a race and the fact that Frydenberg gave billions of Jobkeeper taxpayer dollars to big companies that didn’t earn or deserve it, you wonder if Gleeson was blushing when he penned those sentiments.
This bloke could write a history of the world from 1939 to 1945 without mentioning the war.
But the clincher for our judges was his bland dismissal of climate change as of any consequence – any electoral downside whatsoever – to the government.
“The climate change zealots…” – see what he did there? – “….are voting for the Greens anyway (Nar, Nar Na Na Narh!) and the miners who are looking to Labor to keep them in employment want guarantees on their jobs, something Labor just can’t bring itself to do.”
Breathtaking, isn’t it? A writer for a global news organisation that wrapped multi-page supplements around their Australian mastheads some months back and declared itself green and gold for a cleaner, renewable-energy world has decided that was complete bullshit (finally, we can all agree with Peter on something!) and that the Morrison government’s belated commitment to zero net emissions by 2050 – relying somewhat on technologies not yet invented – will somehow be good enough for a majority of Australians, as “wishy-washy” as that might be. See what he did there?
And then there was Gleeson’s wrap-up. as to the election outcome.
“Only God has the answer, and even he’s supposed to be in ScoMo’s corner,” he finished with a flourish.
Using Morrison’s self-created nickname was the perfect way to finish off a thorough right-royal rimming of our national leader’s oversized rectum.