Newspoll releases shock stats

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Newspoll has released the results of recent polling showing a dramatic plunge in a largely overlooked metric of Australian politics.

The polling organisation said it was shocked at the results of a recent nationwide poll of voters in all states and territories showing a significant drop in the LMFW index.

“The LMFW – or loudmouth fuckwit – index measures the proportion of political discourse taken up by inane, idiotic, shallow or just plain stupid metaphors or other contributions by bombastic blowhards,” a Newspoll analyst said.

“It usually runs without fail at about 70% but has taken a real tumble in the past week and a bit.

“We were stunned when we saw the latest figures with the index for the week ending Friday 17 December sitting at just 5%.

“That’s a remarkable result. It’s as if someone turned off the LMFW tap.

“We’ve been over and over the figures multiple times and the historic low result for the LMFW index is accurate.”

The Newspoll analyst said the polling organisation had never detected any great public interest in the LMFW figures because they were invariably so high and unchanging.

“That’s why we’ve never previously released them,” the analyst said.

“In fact most people are actually surprised when they discover we include specific questions in our polling to track the LMFW index.

“But we’ve been tracking it ever since Barnaby Joyce was elected to the Senate in Queensland in 2004. We just haven’t been releasing the findings,” the analyst explained.