Dutton’s sudden policy shift


Australians are facing traffic chaos this morning especially in and around capital cities as the Morrison Government implements a sudden major national policy shift in the wake of its decisions to cancel multi-billion-dollar defence contracts with European suppliers and its strengthening of military ties with the United States.

In a pre-dawn news conference Defence Minister Peter Dutton said the government would immediately implement plans to mandate the sale of only left-hand-drive vehicles in the Australian market and as a consequence Australians would from this morning be driving on the right-hand side of the road.

Mr Dutton defended the sudden move, saying it made sense in several ways.

“The AUKUS Pact announced earlier this year sees Australia align itself with the US and the UK, but mainly the US because everyone knows the Poms are no longer a world power as they were in the days of empire,” he said.

“We will be buying US-style nuclear submarines after scrapping the multi-billion-dollar contract with those shiftless, under-performing French suppliers.

“But we have, of course, done so in a most diplomatic and sensitive manner so we really can’t fathom why those useless, hamfisted, Gitane-puffing, snail-eating incompetents are so upset.

“Then just in the past week we’ve abandoned European-made military helicopters in favour of American-made ones that can actually take to the air.

“So it makes perfect sense for us to more closely align ourselves with the US in every way and that includes driving on the same side of the road.

“It will mean that as we buy more American military equipment and vehicles – remember we shut down our own car industry – we won’t have the problem of converting them to running on our roads.

“It also means that the thousands of US troops who’ll be coming here to defend our nation once our planned pre-election war with China breaks out….

“I mean, as tensions in our region grow and more US troops are involved in soon-to-be-announced joint exercises here in Australia in coming months, they will find life a lot easier on our roads.”

Mr Dutton refused to take responsibility for the chaos on roads evident this morning as police across the nation imposed the new right-hand-driving rules and attended hundreds of accidents including one on the Sydney Harbour Bridge that claimed 17 lives (main picture).

He also refused to concede that the policy had been implemented without giving time to road authorities to ensure traffic signs were facing the correct way (pictured).

“Everyone needs to just harden up, after all we are at war, or soon will be I hope,” he said.

Mr Dutton walked out of his news conference when asked if the policy shift made even more sense given that motorists in China drove on the right-hand side of the road too.