Gina bottoms out in Brissie!

BRISBANE: Gina Rinehart has ordered the Brisbane City Council to dredge the Brisbane River much, much deeper after her $1.3 billion luxury yacht, Old Lang Sigh 3, ran aground late yesterday afternoon.

The mining billionaire was in Brisbane (its current name) to accept the life presidency of the Brisbane Olympics Organising Committee and to cut the ribbon at the commencement of the new Gina Rinehart Arena aquatic centre in the Roma Street precinct.

Her yacht (pictured at top) was also damaged before running aground after scraping against a pylon of the Green Bridge, forcing Ms Reinhart to immediately call for the Australian Greens to cover the not-inconsiderable repair bill.

Ms Rinehart added “it was a matter for city council” after several CityCats were swamped as the Old Lang Sigh 3 powered upstream at 34 knots on a full tide.

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SYDNEY: A major online bookmaker is now offering the lucrative odds of 250-1 on the chances of The Sydney Morning Herald editorial endorsing the Australian Labor Party on the eve of the next federal election.

Sportsbet struck the very tempting odds following the news that the SMH editor from early next year will be Bevan Shields and that he had been appointed by Nine Entertainment Co chair Peter Costello.

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CANBERRA: The federal member for Goldstein Tim Wilson has released himself against doctors’ orders from a private hospital so he can immediately begin chairing a $25 million taxpayer-funded parliamentary inquiry roadtrip around the nation so that quiet Australians everywhere can voice their opinions about Labor’s 43 per cent emissions reduction goal for 2030 that would cost tens of thousands of mining jobs, hinder post-COVID economic recovery and hike petrol prices to billyO.

Mr Wilson tripped and injured himself running down a corridor at Parliament House to offer Prime Minister Scott Morrison his services as inquiry chair.