Cricket Australia narrows search


Cricket Australia has narrowed its search for the next captain of the Australian Test team.

Sources within CA told The Bug selectors were considering picking one of two shortlisted candidates who have survive a stepped-up vetting process in the wake of Tim Paine’s resignation over a sexting scandal.

“The selectors have placed top priority on finding an Australian captain with an unblemished history on social media,” the source said.

“In fact to be on the safe side selectors have been seeking candidates with absolutely no previous involvement with social media whatsoever. This has led to a shortlist of just two possible captains.

“One is Ken Archer, who turns 94 in January, and who played five Tests for Australia in the 1950s. (in main picture walking out to bat in the second Test of the 1950-51 Ashes tour of Australia at the Melbourne Cricket Ground)

“Even though he has never even been on the internet, the selectors still quizzed Archer for several hours and specifically asked if he had ever sent anyone a picture of his genitals. They are satisfied he has no skeletons in his cupboard.

“The other potential Australian captain is 11-year-old Brad Donman who lives on his parents’ camel farm 800 kms north of Kalgoorlie.

“The farm is in an internet coverage black spot and young Brad has never had any contact with social media of any kind. Or with girls, either, which is a real bonus.

“He’s actually firming as the new captain because while Ken Archer has the experience, young Brad is very keen and selectors are looking for a new captain for the long term.

“Besides he’s a terrific cricketer, at least on paper which is where he has done all of his playing via correspondence as a student of the WA Government’s School of Isolated and Distance Education,” the source said.