Desperate search for ‘Karen’

MELBOURNE: Victorian mental health authorities are desperate to make contact with the woman shown above at angry demonstrations outside state parliament over controversial new pandemic control laws.

In a nine-second video posted on social media, the woman shouts: “I look forward to the day I get to see you dance on the end of a rope, you evil little bastard!”

It’s understood she was referring to Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews.

“Karen – well, that’s what we’re calling her for now – desperately needs help,” a spokesperson for the Victorian Institute for the Treatment of Patients with Clearly Visible Delusions of Adequacy, Self Importance and a Totally Unwarranted Superiority Complex that Leads to Lethal Threats Against Much More Decent People Syndrome.

“We need Karen to come forward so crucial institutional mental health care can begin immediately for her CVDOASIAATUSCTLTLTLTAMMDPS.

“Or to explain that syndrome in layman’s terms, Karen doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together.

“We’d also like permission to use in our staff training and to share with other psychiatric institutions that self-satisfied look Karen gives at the end of the video. It really is the classic textbook look of someone suffering from CVDOASIAATUSCTLTLTLTAMMDPS.

“Once we make contact, we’ll also be advising Karen to seek a consultation with Specsavers. Mr Andrews might very well be evil and a bastard seeing he’s a politician but he’s actually quite a tall man.”

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CANBERRA: The Prime Minister’s Office has defended Scott Morrison’s silence up till now on the use of a life-sized gallows, nooses and death threats by angry demonstrations outside the Victorian Parliament in Spring Street, Melbourne.

“The PM is just waiting for internal polling to be finalised to see just what form of weasel words he should use that doesn’t offend his rabid right-wing base,” a spokesperson said.

“And to be fair, it’s not as if these people stuck needles in strawberries or gave staff watches as performance bonuses.”