Being a pussy about language

Our Media Glass House analysis teams were under the impression that the online news service The Guardian Australia was meant to be a hard-hitting, fact-based, tell-it-like-it-is type of outfit.

That, they thought, was The Guardian’s calling and its supposed point of difference when compared with the conservative PR outfit News Crap Australia.

But just the other day our MGH staff saw an item that caused them to think again.

It was a news story about a NSW man facing multiple charges over the operation of his body modification business in Newcastle. (at left in main picture)

The case has been running for a few years now and one of the latest stories published in The Guardian this week told readers that the man in question had been found guilty of one of the charges.

It began: “A self-proclaimed extreme body modifier broke the law when using a branding iron to burn off parts of a woman’s nether regions, a Sydney judge has found.”

The headline on the story spoke of him removing parts of the woman’s genitals but the subhead also referenced the procedure performed on his client’s “nether regions”.

Our MGH teams remain puzzled about why The Guardian believes its readers are so sensitive that they need euphemisms to protect them from the shock of reading words such as vulva, or labia.

We also point out that the normal definition of “nether regions” means the genitals and the bottom so by being just a little bit too twee and coy about such things, The Guardian might be allowing its readers to get things, ahem, arse about.

Especially as we do note that the story did talk of labiaplasties and genital mutilation in terms of the charges laid against the man. There was no mention of a tushectomy.

We must also admit that one of our less worldly MGH analysts did require some quick education after he belatedly joined the conversation about this article and began to reminisce about his 1993 Vulva station wagon.

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Elsewhere on its website this week The Guardian was again putting female genitalia before readers’ eyes, this time in an article about a new TV series on sexual therapy backed by Goop, the “wellness” company fronted by Hollywood star turned weirdo Gwyneth Paltrow.

That story opened by describing to readers the scene at the premises of a Californian “intimacy coach” where two women “sit with mirrors between their legs, starting at their yonis”. (at right in main picture)

Our MGH teams asked why the y-word? We repeat, are Guardian readers that sensitive?

Although we must again admit that the aforementioned MGH staffer did cause momentary confusion when he spoke up about watching yoni as a very young child.

A sigh of relief could be heard when he went on to explain how Yoni and Boo Boo always got into so much trouble for stealing picnic baskets.

That was before we asked him to leave the meeting when he returned to musing on the earlier story and pondered aloud if it had been the East Germans or the Russians who had built the small under-powered Labia sedan.

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When you’ve got a multiplicity of media outlets why not use them to cross-promote your commercial interests and at the same time stir up a major political issue favourable to the incumbent federal government by putting a national security scare through the viewing and reading populace.

That seems to be the view of senior management at News Crap Australia where its daily turdbloids have been full this week of “news” items and ads referencing the Sky News two-part China Rising special on the evil, cruel, and heartless China and its designed on world domination.  We’re paraphrasing that bit, but not much.

The onslaught of stories even included an op-ed by the show’s host Peter Stefanovic whose erudite views and analysis on geopolitical issues have until now been well hidden.

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Police have discounted fears expressed by the Media Glass House that business and politics commentator Alan Kohler was being held captive somewhere and that his kidnapper was impersonating him both in pubic and in his writings.

The Bug admits it contacted the authorities after reading this paragraph in a piece “Kohler” penned for The New Daily just the other day on Scott Morrison’s climate-change policies.

Yes, we know. And you can all see why we were – and still are – so, so worried.

MOST OF THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA TRIES TO BE POLITICALLY EVEN-HANDED!

But we’re assured by police who contacted the man appearing in public as Alan Kohler and who looks like Alan Kohler has indeed been identified as the Alan Kohler who also presents finance on ABC News.

“We know nothing about Mr Kohler’s sense of humour or whether he uses grammatical devices such as simple ironic reversals or sarcasm to press a point but it is him and he did write that,” a police media spokesperson confirmed.

The Bug remains unconvinced. Whoever is holding Alan, please untie and release him! We want Alan back as a serious finance and politics scribe, not a satirist.