Job promise for disgraced MP

VICTORIAN POLITICS:

Victorian state MP Tim Smith has announced he has plans to take up a new career after he leaves politics at next year’s state election.

At a 70-minute news conference this morning Mr Smith revealed luxury car maker Jaguar had promised him a position as a crash-test dummy at its UK manufacturing plant.

“Someone from Jaguar rang me to say they had read news reports of my crash and the fact I was driving one of their cars,” Mr Smith explained.

“But they told me that wasn’t what convinced them to make me a job offer.

“Apparently it was more my admission that I’m an idiot that caught their eye.

“In this day and age Jaguar is apparently a bit touchy about using the word ‘dummy’ when it comes to the life-size models used in safety tests.

“They leapt on the chance to recruit to someone who openly admits to being a complete idiot.”

Mr Smith’s latest 70-minute news conference was scheduled to run for just 10 minutes but blew out to 40 minutes when a reporter prefaced a question comparing the former opposition frontbencher’s initial reluctant to quit his seat of Kew with his previous rapid calls for others to resign.

The reporter read out a long list of politicians such as Premier Dan Andrews as well as the names of senior public servants Mr Smith had called on to quit.

The remaining 30 minutes of the news conference was taken up by Mr Smith denying any hypocrisy, but finally admitting he had publicly demanded more than 40 Victorian public figures to resign in the previous 12 months alone, some of whom were life-long teetotallers with unblemished driving records going back decades.