Dr Dick has good news

The Bug’s resident sexologist has recently received an unusual query from a Brisbane reader.

Dear Doctor Dick

Call me crazy or seriously paranoid if you will but I have been incredibly upset and unsettled since reading news stories earlier this week about the corporate name-change announced by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

As you would know, Mr Zuckerberg has rebranded the parent company that owns and operates Facebook and other online ventures such as Instagram and WhatsApp.

He chose the new name Meta for the global company and announced the rebadging along with a new logo. (pictured)

I was immediately distressed when I read the stories about the change and saw the new logo which many people have dismissed as a couple of squiggles.

But not me. You might think I am overreacting, but I couldn’t help but notice that the logo Mr Zuckerberg unveiled is an identical rendering of the shape of my testicles.

The chances are billions-to-one of him choosing a design by some anonymous graphic artist that is a 100% accurate outline of my balls.

My immediate response was to ask myself how this could have possibly happened.

My theory is that my Facebook account has been spying on me. I should say I often use the app while naked at home.

The only other theory I have is that a satellite used by one of Mr Zuckerberg’s companies has captured an image of my testicles on one of the occasions I have sunbaked nude in my back yard. (main picture)

I am convinced that one of those two things actually happened. Do you think I am being too sensitive about this?

Stanley, Brisbane

Doctor Dick replies:

Dear Stanley

Thank you for your letter and rest assured that as a medical professional I take seriously all questions addressed to me by readers of The Bug.

In fact I go to great lengths to investigate readers’ complaints if they take the time to contact me. I have done so in your case and have directly contacted the Meta company in California.

They tell me that your Facebook account has been secretly taking snaps of your genitals and sending them to its US HQ to build on the profile it already holds of you and your online habits and interests.

Second, Meta tells me that, yes, one of the satellites it uses did take remote pictures of your groin while you were nude in your yard a few months back and linked them to your profile.

Meta’s graphic designers saw the photos and loved the outline your testicles made when lying flat against your inner thighs which is why they used them as their new logo.

So, the good news is that both your theories are correct and you are definitely not crazy nor paranoid.