Has Smoko Morrison ever had a worse time of it than the last few weeks?
Appreciate that’s a big call if you reflect on events surrounding the images shown above but it’s almost got to the stage where you could almost start feeling sorry for the gutless klutz.
Okay, no more jokes. Yet go back a few weeks and wasn’t Smoko brimming with confidence? He really did think he had the final winning formula when he donned the two-tone costume of his latest iteration of a super hero, Freedom Man!
Freedom from Covid and Freedom from China. Two superheroes in one!
The latter, based on the AUKUS agreement and Australia’s pledge to buy nuclear-powered subs from the Yanks – don’t know when; don’t know at what cost – sank without trace under the weight of a thousand unanswerable criticisms, some of the most damaging from the President of France who knows when he’s being tricked and lied to by a lowlife conman.
The former, where Smoko reverted to his very first superhero costume and the one he’s always preferred for its tight fit – Let’s Learn to Live (and Die) with COVID And Go Watch the Sharkies Freedom Man worked for a short while after this most cunning of sewer-pipe ratsters twitched his whiskers and detected a public shift against lockdowns.
No, back then Smoko’s ratty pointed nose smelled a pathway to victory at a November poll which was why a visit to the COP26 climate-change conference in Glasgow was not on his agenda.
But if a week is a long time in politics, two weeks is infinity.
The states have been moving fast on opening up too – some are even shamelessly sticking to the four-phase national cabinet plan while doing it – and NSW Premier Dominic Perrotet even took over as prime minister there for a while as he directed air traffic from abroad.
Suddenly, Smoko’s plan to wedge the states and power to a small but comfortable win sometime soon evaporated fairly quickly.
But there was one more super-hero outfit to try on and it was Amazoned over from the US by his Lord and Master – the earthbound one at least – Rupert Murdoch!
Look, up in the sky, is it a plane, is it …no, it’s CLIMATE CHANGE MAN!
More powerful at switching long-held beliefs than a locomotive! Able to lie taller than a building in a single bound!
But as an image will it fly for Smoko?
Or has the Australian electorate tired of the nine years Smoko and the LNP have spent ridiculing climate change and doing fuck all about it apart from throwing the word “preferably” into a zero net emissions by 2050 half-pledge that had Peter Hartcher wetting his pants?
Which gets us to the worst week Smoko’s probably ever had.
Federal Cabinet has apparently come up with a climate-chance stance with some flibbertigibbet words good enough for a gutless Smoko to change his mind and go to the COP26 conference from October 31 and possibly not get laughed out of the forum.
But going he is, and we can only ponder at how dire the internal party polling must have been over his decision to stay at home. He was relentlessly portrayed and not just by Labor as a coward, which of course is what all bullies are.
So what has Smoko been doing for some days now before he packs his bags and maybe an Hawaiian shirt or two for a quick holiday on his way home if he goes the long way around. You’ve just got to tell the pilot.
Sitting back on his lardarse waiting for his junior Coalition partner to rule if whatever federal cabinet has decided is allowed to stand. And with what conditions that could make Smoko the stand-up king at Glasgow?
That’s probably the most embarrassing position I’ve ever seen an Australian prime minister ever put himself in, all through a gutless inability to lead.
So could the past week have gotten any worse?
Apart from a right-royal blast from One and One’s Son?
And an excoriating analysis from Laura Tingle – possibly one of a handful of real journalists left in the mainstream media – that gave Smoko the full flensing? The smirk was about the only thing left that was recognisable among the strips of blubber.
It’s been a shit week that, if there’s a Newspoll tonight and if a real God exists – not the imposter Smoko pretends to follow – it should reflect that.
Would it be asking too much, for Australia’s sake, that it might prompt Smoko’s parliamentary colleagues to get rid of him before the public gets its chance?
And if Smoko hangs around like the bad smell he is, we should all be very, very afraid. Beware the cornered rat.
Here is a rodent determined to double down on 2019. He will use every last lie about Labor, every vicious personal putdown imaginable against Albanese, will trash every rule of ethical, decent parliamentary behaviour, who’ll pork-barrel to a new gold-standard never thought possible, will spend record amounts of taxpayers’ money promoting himself for months with cross-media advertising right up to his drive out to Yarralumla and who, egged on by a mainstream media even more brown-nosing than last time, hard as that is to believe, will do any and every lousy, reprehensible, disgusting, un-Christian thing to keep a job he’s no good at it and, probably the saddest thing of all, has shown repeatedly he really doesn’t want to do anyway.