Queen cuts loose on PMs

Any experienced observer of our Royal Family should be totally unsurprised by Her Majesty the Queen’s comments about world leaders who fail to take seriously the upcoming UN Climate Change Conference in Glasgow.

This week Her Majesty was supposedly “caught out” by a live microphone making  remarks viewed as critical of politicians who have not committed to attending and supporting the conference. (main picture)

But those of us with an intimate knowledge of, and strong contacts with, the Royal Family and those who serve it know only too well what is actually playing out.

As a Buckingham Palace source told me, Her Majesty has been on the throne for almost 70 years and is a past master at media manipulation.

“Far from being ‘caught’ making disparaging remarks about recalcitrant politicians, Her Majesty would have known the microphone would catch her comments and would have deliberately made them in an effort to embarrass them,” the source said.

That accuracy of that assessment was confirmed by the fact that within hours of Her Majesty’s comments being aired, Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison announced he would be heading to Glasgow after all following weeks of uncertainty.

My sources within the royal household tell me Mr Morrison has not endeared himself to Her Majesty by his attitude to tackling climate change.

In fact one senior courtier told me that the Queen had spoken in less than flattering terms about the PM, saying during one conversation: “That miserable happy clapping fraud [Morrison] wouldn’t know if a brass band was up him until it played God Save Me.”

Unfortunately, Her Majesty has for many years been unimpressed with the quality of Australian prime ministers and has openly – in private conversations with her staff – yearned for the likes of the late Sir Robert Menzies.

“Menzies was an A-grade crawler whenever he met one, almost a human enema,” she is said to have said.

“But one could rely on him to take a stand and follow through. One must give him that, unlike the newer breed of so-called ‘leaders’ in the colonies.”

Her Majesty is, according to my sources, especially dismissive of former PM Malcolm Turnbull.

“People say we are entitled. Well, fuck me, did one ever cop a look at that oleaginous little rich oink Malcolm Tumbrell, or Trumble, or whatever his name was when he was PM of the colonies?” Her Majesty told close confidantes recently.

“He was just one of a conga line of suckholes to come here to Buck House and try to flatter one by deferring any debate or discussion on an Australian republic. And to think he was once head of the republican cause down there.

“Did he think one was born yesterday? One wishes those Australians would just embrace a republic and fuck off. One really doesn’t give a shit one way or the other.”

My palace sources tell me that Tony Abbott is also held in rather low regard by the Queen.

“He’s the fool who gave Philip a knighthood. As if he needed another useless fucking gong,” Her Majesty commented to a close adviser just recently after reading of the kerfuffle Mr Abbott’s comments in Taiwan had caused.

“He’s got bigger ears than Charles and even less in between, if that’s at all possible.”