Premier strikes News deal


New NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet has announced an agreement with News Corp Australia which will see the media company indemnify his government for all damages and losses arising from any escalation in COVID-19 deaths or hospital admissions.

The deal follows concerns the Premier raised with News Corp Australia about a double-page spread in today’s edition of Sydney turdbloid the Sunday Telegraph suggesting NSW residents could return to partying from tomorrow when an easing in pandemic restrictions kicks in.

“I am certain that NSWcitizens will welcome the decisions that take effect from tomorrow and will help edge us all back towards normal life,” Mr Perrottet told a Sydney news conference this morning.

“The changes have been possible only because NSW has reached the benchmark of having 70% of its citizens vaccinated.

“But this is not to suggest that citizens can or should start behaving as if the pandemic and the threats it poses have disappeared.

“The government is not suggesting that at all which is why I was concerned to read today’s Sunday Tele which seems to have fired the starting gun on free-for-all partying.

“I was concerned for the signal this might send to residents of NSW, leaving aside the fact that partying is problematic given that there will remain a 10-person limit on home visits.

“But we will be keeping an eye on how the easing of restrictions impacts COVID-19 case numbers.

“I am also very pleased to announce that if they hit the roof as a result of excessive partying, News Corp Australia will take full responsibility and will indemnify taxpayers the full cost of any efforts we may need to take to respond.

“News Corp has also agreed not to blame me or my government and to admit its own liability in the case of an upsurge in virus super spreader events such as irresponsibly large and unsafe parties,” the Premier said before breaking off the news conference to rush to a nearby window to catch a glimpse of a large fat pink pig that was flying past.