Take that, you yellow bastards!

Is it possible to hear the sound of a fat being cracked?

The Bug’s Media Glass House suspects the answer is yes after it and audio experts listened to replay after replay of Channel 9 news coverage on Thursday night of the historic AUKUS pact that will deliver eight nuclear submarines Down Under.

The network’s national politics reporter Chris Uhlmann was clearly already a very excited boy after his own contribution to the main story on the day’s lead yarn but really hit what was in his strides when asked live by anchor Peter Overton to explain China’s reaction to AUKUS.

“Yes, Pete, Beijing has reacted with fury saying the pact gravely undermines the region’s peace and security,” Uhlmann began.

But the blood clearly started to pump even harder as Uhlmann – thrilled that the man he believes should remain prime minister after the next federal election as reward for all the great things he’s achieved while in power has brilliantly added “Freedom from China Man” to his various superman personas – slipped effortlessly into the Liberal Party PR mode he likes so well. Take it away Peter!

“But the government would say it’s responding to Beijing’s own massive military build-up, its occupation and militarisation of the South China Sea, its fishing armada that’s illegally scrapping the oceans bare, the industrial scale cyber attacks…”

Look, we’re going to take a brief pause here even though Uhlmann doesn’t but Buggers, can’t you almost see Uhlmann pushing the front of his trousers down out of camera range as he continues, not with what the government had said, but what they would say if he has anything to do with it. Back to Chris now.

“…imprisoning our citizens on trumped-up charges, trying to buy influence in our politics, bullying in our universities and using economic coercion when it doesn’t get its own way.

“The government believes it’s been left with little choice but to act in Australia’s defence.”

Written and spoken Chris Uhlmann for the Liberal Party of Australia.

Phew! Perhaps we should all be at least grateful he didn’t mention their slanty-eyes or their Godless ways.