Prime Minister Scott Morrison has been buoyed by overnight internal Liberal Party polling that suggests a dramatic image turnaround will be his best chance of securing a second full term in office.
A source in the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet told The Bug on condition of anonymity: “Mr Morrison has been worried for some time that his carefully orchestrated image as loving husband to Jen and doting father to his two beautiful daughters just isn’t attracting the votes he needs for the looming federal poll.
“His doubts first began when he expected to be praised for taking his family on that well-earned Hawaiian holiday and that back fired badly.
“Then some months back Bunnings told him he’s run out of flat-pack things to build.
“And now he’s coping flak once again just for wanting to be with Jen and the kids in Sydney for Father’s Day.”
A source in the Liberal Party’s national executive took up the story: “We met late yesterday afternoon and posed the question: half of Australia is divorced and half of the rest are in unhappy relationships so maybe the PM’s electoral prospects would be enhanced by appealing to them more. We saw the need for the PM to appear to retain the common touch with his people.
“Our pollster then conducted a snap poll throughout last evening and our best hopes were confirmed: the marriage break-up of the Morrisons could help us keep all of our marginals, especially in Western Australia and Queensland.
“The PM was pleased as punch with the image change. He’s tried Vaccine Man and Wartime Leader and Father of the Nation, then Fortress Australia Man and now Freedom Man and he knows that may not have legs so he simply said ‘Single Man! I love it!’
“When we said he’d only have to pretend to be separated from Jen and the girls until after the poll, he said: ‘Nah, if there’s ongoing votes in this, then fuck ’em!'”
A media call has been scheduled for 11am this morning where a grim-faced and at times teary PM will announce that his marriage has run its course, it’s sad but it’s no-one’s fault, and he’ll be moving out of The Lodge when in Canberra to live in a granny flat behind Treasurer Josh Frydenberg’s Melbourne home.