Pauline Hanson quits Senate

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Firebrand Queensland politician Pauline Hanson has announced plans to quit the Senate after being offered a key position in the new government of Afghanistan.

Senator Hanson said a representative of the Taliban which took control of Afghanistan this week had rung to offer her the job of prime time newsreader with the public broadcaster Afghanistan National Television.

“Imran, the Taliban man from Afghanistan, told me the nation’s new rulers were aware of my performance a few years back when I wore a head-to-toe traditional burqa into the Senate chamber,” she explained. (main picture)

“Apparently it greatly impressed them and it seems I am just the right person to be their main newsreader.

“The Taliban banned TV when they were last in power but they assured me they have turned over a new leaf and will allow ANT to keep broadcasting as long as its programs did not contain any erotic content that might inflame desires.

“So I kept quiet about my appearance on Dancing With the Stars but Imran said they knew of it already and it didn’t fall into that category.”

Senator Hanson said she did not expect to have any difficulty settling into life in Afghanistan.

“I presume they speak English there like everywhere else in the civilised world and which I almost do,” she said.

But she was less certain when asked if she would have problems working with Sharia law.

“Please explain. I’m not familiar with Sharia’s work. Is she another newsreader there?” Senator Hanson asked.

She said she was looking forward to working in a new country and was even considering the possibility of starting her own party there.

“To avoid confusion with Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party here in Australia I am looking at registering and starting up Pauline Hanson’s One Party Nation over there,” she said.

Senator Hanson said she had engaged a professional recruitment agency to help choose her successor who was expected to be appointed to fill the casual vacancy she will create after resigning in coming days.   

“The agency is looking for a replacement that shows the same political and intellectual depth as me,” she said.

“So far the shortlist has come down to an antivax, pro-guns, 9/11 and climate change denier who lives in his own nuclear shelter in the hills at the  back of Gympie and a Besser brick.”