UK PM fronts media

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been accused of not taking seriously the downfall of the government of Afghanistan and the resumption of power by the Taliban.

“What ho chaps?” the Prime Minister said to reporters on reaching the lectern in the media briefing room at 10 Downing Street before quickly adding, “and chapettes too, of course.

“Can’t forget the ladies, can we laddies?” Mr Johnson said while winking at the assembled media representatives.

Reporters quickly launched a barrage of questions, all seeking an explanation for the failure of western nations including Britain to be prepared for the rapid deterioration of the former Afghan government and the speed at which the Taliban swept to power in recent days.

“Very, very good question. Top hole,” Mr Johnson said. “Let me address this very, very serious issue in this way.”

As an expectant hush fell on the room Mr Johnson paused, tilted his head down slightly, spent some moments in silence ruffling his already tousled hair, before lifting his head and saying: “Any other questions before I go?”

When reporters sought clarification the Prime Minister explained that he had just given his answer but would repeat it “if any of you chaps and chapettes missed it”.

Mr Johnson once again paused, tilted his head down slightly, spent some moments in silence ruffling his already tousled hair, before lifting his head and saying: “There you go. Now chaps and chapettes I have to leave. Lunch at the club and all that, you know.

“What ho! I do enjoy a decent bit of tuck. Famished! I really am,” he said before beginning to walk from the room.

But as reporters continued to pepper him with questions about his government’s official attitude to the new Taliban government in Kabul and the plight of British citizens trapped in the nation wanting to return to the UK, Mr Johnson stopped and returned to the lectern.

As reporters fell silent he tilted his head down slightly, spent some moments in silence ruffling his already tousled hair, before lifting his head and beginning to sing a version of Harry Belafonte’s 1950s hit The Banana Boat Song.

Day, me say day-o. Daylight come and me wan’ go home,” he sang. “Day, me say day, me say day, me say day. Daylight come and me wan’ go home.

Come, mister Taliban, tally me banana. Daylight come and me wan’ go home.

Come, mister Taliban, tally me banana. Daylight come and me wan’ go home...” he continued, edging towards and through the door where his voice swiftly faded and he could be heard breaking into a run.