ABC adjusts its screen


The ABC says the shock lockdown of the entire state of NSW has forced it to make radical adjustments to its own coverage of the COVID-19 pandemic.

“We realise that viewers have been subjected to a barrage of news and information about the pandemic for almost two years now and many are becoming jaded and resistant to absorbing vital information that could save them being infected or passing on the virus,” an ABC spokesperson said.

“We believe the ABC has a responsibility to ensure information we give viewers cuts through so that we can do our bit to help prevent further drastic lockdowns.

“One key element of our coverage has been the presentation of essential statistical information by ABC journalist and mathematician Casey Briggs.

“We started off with Casey using Antony Green’s interactive election night screen to present essential information about virus case numbers and trends. (pictured)

“That’s despite the hissy fit Antony threw at the time about someone else using his presentation style.

“Antony even threatened to personally trademark his use of the interactive screen but soon dropped the idea when we advised him that Casey’s presentations using the Green screen – as opposed to the green screen, for TV aficionados – was distinctly different to Antony’s.

“For a start Casey has not fucked up the numbers as often as Antony does on any given election night telecast and has certainly not pressed the wrong on-screen button as often as Antony does.

“After Antony’s tantrum we started using our whiz-bang technology to visually ‘insert’ Casey into the vital stats which he pointed at as they swirled around him.

“The feedback from viewers was overwhelmingly negative with many saying they threw up on their own screens after experiencing something akin to car or sea sickness.

“So we have come up with a new way to grab and keep viewers’ attention which involves a naked Casey Briggs cartwheeling across the studio while presenting the COVID figures.

“He’s been practising his moves and will soon be ready to go to air. (main picture)

“The only downside is that Antony Green has also been seen attempting nude cartwheels too,” the spokesperson said.