Mystery muso wants 2032 role

BRISBANE OLYMPICS 2032:

A previously unknown self-described UK impresario has volunteered to develop and coordinate the opening and closing ceremonies for the 2032 Brisbane Olympic Games.

Although little information could be found about him, Ralph Horace (main picture) claimed to have vast international experience in the entertainment industry which he said made him the perfect choice for the job of producing world-class blockbuster opening and closing ceremonies.

“I’ve written and performed lots of songs over many, many years,” Mr Horace said. “I’ve also had experience in previous big events which I won’t go into right now.

“I haven’t done much in the way of working in the entertainment industry in the past few years for various reasons.

“All I will say is that I have some big ideas for 2032 and I think it will be good to be back in … I mean, it will be good to be in Brisbane to see all my ideas come to fruition.”

Mr Horace said he wanted to centre the 2032 opening ceremony around a large mobile kangaroo that would wind its way around the main stadium track and open its pouch to disgorge dozens of young children who would then sing and dance.

“For the big occasion I am working on a song Tie Two Little Boys Down for Sport which is completely different from several songs written and performed by someone entirely different in the 1960s.

“I’ve recently had a lot of spare time to think of ideas like that, so I should be the natural choice for developing memorable opening and closing ceremonies.”

Mr Horace said the only drawback to his plan was the fact that by the time of the 2032 Games he would be 102.

“Oh, and also I should mention that when it comes to rehearsals and the like I must stay at least 75 metres away from anyone under 18,” he said. “But I’m sure we can overcome those obstacles.”