PM clarifies climate position

FEDERAL POLITICS IN BRIEF:

Barnaby Joyce’s penis (main picture) has welcomed statements by Prime Minister Scott Morrison aimed at clarifying his government’s position on climate change.

Mr Joyce’s penis said Mr Morrison’s comments would help resolve a key issue that might otherwise have stood in the way of the negotiations over a new coalition agreement between the Liberal and National parties  following Mr Joyce’s penis return to his party’s leadership.

Earlier today Mr Morrison, in isolation at The Lodge in Canberra, issued a statement which he said would clear up any confusion over comments he made at the G7 meeting in the UK last week.

“I’m a man of my word and I stand by my statements at the G7 that my government will continue to strive for zero net emissions by 3050,” he said.

“There have been some very mischievous reports in certain media outlets that have deliberately misinterpreted my remarks to the G7. I hope today’s statement puts an end to any confusion,” he said.

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Barnaby Joyce’s penis is already facing a campaign of destabilisation within his own ranks following release of new polling data on preferred National Party leaders.

Following his performance in Question Time yesterday, former party leader Michael McCormack has topped an overnight poll of potential National Party leaders.

The Newspoll showed respondents reacted positively to Mr McCormack’s grace under pressure after losing his job as party leader and 60% said he should be party leader.

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Recycled National Party leader, Barnaby Joyce’s penis, has rejected claims that his return signals to women that his party is tone deaf to their concerns, especially issues of sexual harassment and discrimination.

Mr Joyce’s penis said he was not the same dickhead he was when he last held the position three years ago.

“I’ve certainly grown since then,” Mr Joyce’s penis said.

“As any bloke knows that’s definitely a good thing and I reckon most sheilas might reckon it’s not too bad either.”