Morrison hits wrong note at G7


A medley of famous tunes from Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison at the G7 has met with wild applause from all seven world leaders – but only after he was evicted by UK security forces.

Told he would not be allowed to speak at the closing G7 dinner in Cornwall because he only had observer status, Mr Morrison struck as the world’s leaders had just tucked into their beast of Bodmin moor roast, seasonal spring vegetables and a divine pureed Cornish pastie jus and were eagerly awaiting their desserts.

The Father of the Australian Nation suddenly pulled a battery-operated microphone from a trouser pocket, disappointing a female security officer standing nearby, and began belting out Frank Sinatra’s signature tune My Way.

It was a scratchy and uneven performance but left the leaders in no doubt about two things.

Firstly, that Australia intended to combat the scourge of climate change at its own pace and in its own distinctive way.

And secondly if Mr Morrison is considering a singing career post-politics he might need to think again.

He then explained to his bewildered audience that he was not totally opposed to a target of net zero emissions by 2050 before proving that to those present – and Peter Hartcher back in Australia who will laud him in a well-thought-through essay – by donning a blonde wig and singing Doris Day’s worldwide hit, Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps (at top).

With a nod to British Prime Minister Boris Johnson seated nearby, Morrison continued: “I’d like to finish off with some of the hits of the Blitz by your late and great Vera Lynn to highlight that war is indeed nigh, not this time with the Krauts but with China.

“How good is a fight with those Commie bastards, huh?”

Oblivious to the fact that German chancellor Angela Merkel had stormed from the room, Mr Morrison had barely finished Kiss Me Goodnight Sergeant-Major and had launched into Lili Marlene as the security guards surged forward and US President Joe Biden asked if anyone had seen his slippers.