Green lining in red scare

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s stepped-up rhetoric on China’s “economic coercion” is already starting to pay dividends in unexpected ways.

The Bug can report exclusively that Mr Morrison’s recent statements criticising Chinese firms’ technology theft, suspected cyber attacks, and the Chinese Government’s use of the nation’s market power as a political weapon will also help Australia rapidly reach a goal of net zero energy emissions.

The key linkage between the previously unrelated issues is the announced backing by Japan of Mr Morrison’s hardline approach to China.

“Our PM and Japan’s Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga (main picture) are clearly now in lockstep when it comes to tackling China’s behaviour, even if that leads to war,” one senior federal government source said on condition of anonymity.

News of the new alliance and the possibility of Australia and Japan fighting on the same side against China coincided with the overnight discovery of  a powerful  phenomenon on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast which holds the promise of generating all of Australia’s electricity needs and more.

Officials at the Tewantin Cemetery last night detected  the body of former Victorian RSL President Bruce Ruxton (pictured) spinning in his grave at a speed which technicians called to the site said was so fast it could not be accurately measured.

Mr Ruxton was buried at the cemetery following his December 2011 death on the Sunshine Coast where he had lived in retirement after leaving his Melbourne-based RSL job.

A cemetery official said technicians were hopeful of harnessing the energy Mr Ruxton’s body was generating.

“The technicians tell us of they can link him up to a dynamo-type contraption, so Bruce will be able to generate several hundred gigawatts of power a week,” the official said.

“That’s more than Australia needs so we could end up meeting our green energy targets in a matter of days and we could shut down all coal-fired power plants overnight, and even all the new solar and wind farms we’ve been seeing built in recent years as well.”

A family friend of the late Mr Ruxton said the World War II veteran would be pleased to know he was contributing to the community and helping the nation conserve resources.

“It’s not widely known but Bruce himself was a bit of a conservationist,” the friend said.

“For instance he personally conserved his own energy by never using all the letters in the word ‘Japanese’ whenever he uttered it.”