TV revolution looms

Australia’s commercial television networks are about to be turned on their heads!

My sources at all three major commercial networks – Nine, Seven and Ten – tell me the facts are simple: modern programming methods are no longer fit for purpose and major changes must be made if the stations are to survive in the face of expanding pay-for-view streaming services.

And by facts, I mean of course the Federation of Australian Commercial Television Stations and their plan is mindblowingly simple: the main or prime season and the silly season each broadcasting year are simple going to be swapped around.

This means the new silly season is now in full swing. The prime season will be from early December and go to mid-February.

This new main or ‘high’ season over the Xmas/New Year period is where misguided advertisers who still think spending money with the commercial free-to-air networks has some merit will be asked to pay top dollar for that privilege.

“The decision was a no-brainer when you think of it,” a FACTS executive told me on condition of anonymity.

“Each of our members simply looked at the mindless reality TV shit they’re now shovelling into what used to be the prime season and realised the switch had to be made.

“Take Channel 9 for example. It started a while ago with the appalling Lego-Masters, we think Weakest Link with Magda Szubanski might have started if it hasn’t been axed already and we’ve got over coming months new seasons of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Block, Married at First Sight, Celebrity Apprentice Australia, Kiddy-Fiddler Challenge, Ninja v Ninja, Love Island, New Travel Guides and a whole heap of other shit pitched at brain-dead moronic viewers.

“When you think about it, it doesn’t get much sillier than that! Unless they cook up some new vehicle for Hamish and Andy.

“And that’s just Channel 9. Imagine the crap over on Network Ten!”

A spokesperson for Channel 9 in Sydney admitted the swap around of seasons made sense.

“We’re going back to basics and what used to work very well for us. We think viewers are really going to love what we’ve got planned for the prime season this next Christmas/New Year period.

“We’ll be screening the station’s test pattern from noon each day and then we’ll have Rescue 8 at 6.30pm, Sea Hunt with Lloyd Bridges at 7pm and then an hour-long episode of 77 Sunset Strip at 7.30. And who doesn’t like Efrem Zimbalist Jr and Edd Byrnes?”