Modest PM downplays new title


A modest Scott Morrison has scoffed at suggestions he may very well be “the best wartime leader ever that Australia is about to have”.

The title has been bestowed upon the Prime Minister by some of the mainstream media’s most respected political scribes but particularly The Australian’s Paul Kelly and The Sydney Morning Herald’s Peter Hartcher as Australia moves closer to outright war with China.

The communist nation just yesterday began moves to halt all diplomatic ties with Australia along with strong hints from Beijing that all trade between the two countries will also be suspended soon, perhaps permanently.

“No-one wants war with China but what will be will be,” Field Air Marshall Admiral of the Fleet Morrison said overnight, using the titles bestowed on himself at midnight under existing National Biosecurity and Border Sovereignty laws.

China’s latest rebuffs to Australia have come after the Morrison government scrapped the so-called “belt and road” projects agreed to between the People’s Republic of China and the Victorian government.

Experts also believe all-out war is inevitable between the two nations if Australia also rips up the 99-year lease of Darwin Port that the Northern Territory government granted several years ago to a Chinese company.

“No-one ever wants war so I’m simply asking China to show some sense and back right off before it’s too late and we’re forced to unleash shock and awe tactics the likes of which the world would never have seen before,” Field Air Marshall Admiral of the Fleet Morrison added at an early morning news conference in Canberra.

“Do you want me to paint you a picture?” the supreme military leader added for emphasis, invoking a line John Wayne used to similar effect in The Searchers in 1956.

The nation’s best wartime leader ever that Australia is about to have warned all media not to cover what he had to say because it wasn’t news and any adverse reaction by China to anything they wrote or said would be entirely their fault.

Field Air Marshall Admiral of the Fleet Morrison finished the media call by turning to the 24 Australian flags behind him and unleashing the snappiest of salutes that even senior military leaders now stripped of their roles had to admit was the best they had witnessed in ages.

At top: Field Air Marshall Admiral of the Fleet Morrison, still waiting for his all-branches-of-the-military uniform to be completed once enough gold braid is found, reverts to civilian clothes as he inspects his new war room under Old Parliament House.