Dr Dick outs LNP MP

FEDERAL POLITICS:

The Bug’s own international award-winning* sex therapist and advice columnist, Doctor Dick, has dramatically disputed the claim by controversial Liberal National Party federal MP Dr Andrew Laming that he suffers from attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD).

Dr Dick admitted he was taking an extraordinary step by publicly disclosing his professional dealings with Dr Laming who consulted him following recent revelations of the Queensland MP’s alleged harassment and misbehaviour towards women that caused him to lose LNP preselection for the next federal election.

“I know it is highly unusual for an internationally recognised* doctor like me to reveal their private professional dealings with a patient,” Dr Dick said.

“But I cannot stand by while Dr Laming misconstrues my analysis of his recent behaviour by trying to present himself as someone with ADHD.

“Dr Laming consulted me after the Prime Minister Scott Morrison directed him to undertake empathy training.

“He rang my office and asked my receptionist for her phone number and if he could befriend her on Facebook before asking if she could make an appointment for him to undertake some empathy training.

“I saw him for a 30-minute appointment a few days later and we discussed his private and public behaviour. (main picture)

“I rapidly arrived at a diagnosis of Dr Laming which I wrote down in my notes as ‘A Dick Head Definitely’. I added the abbreviation ‘ADHD’ too.

“I have been surprised to read that Dr Laming has since seized upon this terminology in a very misleading way to explain his past actions.

“I know my professional colleagues might criticise me for breaking the sacred doctor-patient bond but I do have my international* reputation to protect,” Dr Dick said.

Dr Laming could not be contacted for comment but a recorded message at his office asked if we were an attractive young woman and if so could he have our phone number and befriend us on Facebook.

* In 2003 Dr Dick received an honorary doctorate for his research into the risk of perineum fistulas from bestial anal sex while professorial teaching fellow at the Ron Jeremy Online University (incorporated in Equatorial Guinea).