God goes to the polls

SYDNEY: Officials from the public opinion organisation Newspoll say they will make adjustments to future polls on federal politics to include assessments of voters’ attitudes to God.

“Statements by Prime Minister Scott Morrison to a recent Pentecostal church conference that he is doing God’s work have led us to expand the scope of future Newspolls,” said a spokesperson for the poll that is conducted exclusively for The Australian newspaper.

“When it comes to Newspolls on federal politics and voter response to our national political leaders we always strive for accuracy and insight.

“Given that Mr Morrison has admitted that God is a key part of his government’s operations and decision-making, there is really no alternative.

“We will be assessing God’s performance and ranking it alongside those of Mr Morrison and Anthony Albanese in all Newspolls from now on,” the spokesperson said.


CANBERRA: The Australian Electoral Commission says it is examining the recent statements about God’s role in federal politics to determine if all of the Almighty’s obligations under federal electoral laws are being met.

An AEC spokesperson said Mr Morrison’s recent speech about “doing God’s work” had raised significant issues.

“We are concerned that not all, or perhaps any, of the Almighty’s obligations under the Commonwealth Electoral Act may have been met in the past,” an AEC spokesperson said.

“We are right now looking at whether God constitutes a political party or associated entity that requires registration under the Commonwealth Electoral Act.

“We are also examining the possibility that God may need to declare any support given to Mr Morrison that might be construed as a donation under the Act.”

The spokesperson said Mr Morrison and God would both face hefty fines or jail time if found guilty of significant breaches of the law.


CANBERRA: Federal politics has been rocked by the eruption of another sexual assault scandal.

Australian Federal Police have confirm that Prime Minister Scott Morrison will be questioned over his recent claims of practising the “laying on of hands” in his day-to-day work.    

“I can confirm that AFP officers will be seeking an opportunity to speak to Mr Morrison as soon as possible,” an AFP spokesperson said.

“Following criticism of the AFP’s alleged inaction in some previous cases of alleged sexual assault there’s no chance we’ll be ignoring the PM’s public admission of potential misbehaviour.”