May the faith be with us

What role should religion play in the governance of Australia?

And is it healthy for our nation to have a Prime Minister who is not only so openly committed and devoted to a charismatic church of happy-clapping Pentecostals with some very strange ideas but who clearly sees that faith as an electoral plus for him as he mentions it often.

These questions were prompted overnight by vision of Scott Morrison’s attendance at the Australian Christian Churches’ annual convention on the Gold Coast (above).

For its latest vox pop, The Bug sent out teams of reporters into the streets to find answers to those very questions.

COLM MALLEY-BULL, 66, street entertainer and toff impersonator, posh inner suburbs, Sydney

I wish the damn fellow would shut up about his crazy religion. What a bunch of weirdos with their prosperity doctrine, talking in tongues and the ever-present threat of The Rapture. Australian should be governed by a man of class and substance who belongs to a sensible mainstream religion such as Catholicism, which abandoned the absurd notion of transubstantiation a long time ago.

MRS PETA DUNCAN: 50, housewife, Strathpine, Queensland.

The man’s a fool. One of this nation’s greatest threats at the moment is the insubordination of the young and you won’t be changing their abysmal attitude to authority by some silly religious faith and some threats from a magic sky daddy. You want their respect? Drive them out to the back of nowhere, take their shoes off them, give them all a massive wedgie and then make them walk for hours and hours to get home to their gunyahs. Besides, there must be someone around the traps who could lead the government much better through the strength of his personality, his drive and ambition, his honesty and compassion and his life-long commitment to doing the right thing by Australia. Someone who’s done quite well for himself financially, never you mind, without some con trick that he was doing to impress someone else.

DAME ALANA JONES, 79, housewife and dementia survivor, Sydney, NSW.

A strong religious faith is an important quality in any national leader and anyone who doesn’t think that should be taken out to sea and thrown overboard in a chaffbag.

FREYA DENBERG, 49, housewife, Moonee Ponds, Victoria.

No, the man’s finished. As is his nutty religion. There surely must be someone waiting in the wings that could reunite an angry and fractured nation. Has Australia ever had a Jewish prime minister?

MORRIS SCOTSON, 52, business privateer, Toorak, Victoria.

It’s not just Scott Morrison’s burning Christian faith that I admire immensely about this man. His narrow-focused devotion to getting the federal government out of all our lives and letting private enterprise take over many, many roles that used to be undertaken by incompetent public servants has been the money shot for many. For example, I have a small stake in a private video production company that really was on its last legs until the Morrison government slipped it a lazy $3 million plus to promote milkshakes and tacos.

TUN BULLMANTON, 66, retired drag queen, Elizabeth Bay, Sydney.

I find it hard to feel sorry for Scott Morrison. The Liberal Party should never have got rid of Malcolm Turnbull. With his style, charisma and charm, he would have won the 2019 federal election in a landslide and any other election for that matter for as long as he wanted and he wouldn’t have had to mention God once!

HUGHIE BRIANSTONE, 67, pasta maker and part-time evangelist, inner Sydney suburb of Hillsong

Hi ya babba bubba seya forya ha ha ha oh yeah walla bubba me rudda bubba hiya see ya oh yeah bubba yubba ha ha pardon me boy is that the chattanogga choo choo.

Um mau mau mau mau Um mau mau mau mau I am the real thing Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob I am the eggman, they are the eggman oooooooh.

DAVID CROWE, Nine Entertainment humourist.

Full of faith or totally devoid of it, Scott Morrison won the last election almost single-handedly and he’ll do it again. Thank you! Thank you! I’m here at Nine Entertainment all week and please, please try the beef and reef with schooner special; it’s exceptional value.