Brisbane’s muted plea to IOC

BRISBANE: The Queensland Government plans to approach the International Olympic Committee to request a dispensation similar to that given to Tokyo that will enable the 2032 Games to go ahead without spectators.

“It’d really help us make ends meet if we didn’t have to cater for spectators,” a senior government source said.

“I’m sure the organisers of the Tokyo Olympics are breathing a sigh of relief now that they don’t have to bugger around with pesky spectators.

“To be frank, at all big events these days and not just Olympics, people who physically attend all just hold up their mobile phones and look at their screens. (main picture)

“They might as well be sitting at home in their lounge rooms.

“So why should we bother laying on extra transport services, building extra stadium seating, and making sure there is plenty of accommodation for lazy bastards whose eyes never leave a hand-held screen?”  

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PERTH: The two surviving Liberal members of the Western Australian Parliament have vowed never to travel together by any means – be it public or private – least a tragic accident cause the extinction of the species.

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SYDNEY: The Federal Government is warning that today’s Phase 1B rollout of the COVID-19 vaccination program to large areas of western Sydney might be delayed by the Granville rail disaster of 1977.

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MELBOURNE: Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is believed to be using his time off work following a fall to plan his strategy for the next state election in November 2022.

Sources close to Mr Andrews told The Bug that his top priority was to engineer a covert campaign to encourage Victorian Liberal Party MPs to recruit Sky News “after dark” commentator Peta Credlin as their party leader as soon as possible.