Bolts join concussion debate

The Brisbane Bolts have broken their silence on the current concussion debate among JDG-affiliated clubs with newly named 2021 season team captain Dick “Head” Job (main picture) declaring that administrators and some of his fellow players are “worrying over nothing”.

Acting chair of the JDG Sir Lilian Pansy this week announced a special inquiry into the issue and urged all clubs to make their views known.

“It’s getting a bit out of hand, what with so many deaths last season,” Sir Lilian said when announcing the probe.

 But Job disagreed and said his focus was elsewhere.

“There are bigger fucking issues to worry about than this concussion frogshit,” Job declared to reporters after an early morning training session at the Oily Palms Gentleman’s Club located in a backstreet of an industrial estate at Acacia Ridge on Brisbane’ southside.

“I don’t give a fuck what pussies in the JDG head office say or do. We’ve been using concussion grenades for years just like other clubs in the JDG,” he said before executing what is commonly known as a “bushman’s hanky” and continuing.

“So what if a few players and a couple of spectators are killed by them each season? It’s all part of the game and that pansy Lilian, I mean Sir Lilian, has his head up his arse which makes for a change because it’s usually up someone else’s.”

Shortly after 3am and as Job finished speaking, vomited, and collapsed on the footpath, CEO of the Brisbane Bolts, Terry Verandah, emerged from the same training session to address the media.

“Get out of my fucking way you corpse worms,” he said while swinging wildly at reporters with a carving knife.

“You pus-filled genital warts make me puke. Of course we’re addressing the concussion issue.

“We spoke about it at training just a few minutes ago and all agreed that our club will lodge a submission with the JDG inquiry.

“Our barrister Dicky Shearman QC scribbled it out on a serviette tonight.

“It basically says to Sir Lilian and the JDG: ‘Go shit in both your hands and clap.’

“We think he’ll get the message,” Verandah said before pulling the pin on a concussion grenade and lobbing it over the fence of an adjacent steel fabrication factory where it exploded and injured several shift workers.

When contacted later, head coach of the Brisbane Bolts, Jack Saunders, played down the incident and the injuries.

“It was just a bit of high-jinks,” he said. “Just some good natured horseplay.”

Disclaimer: The Bug has been a long-term supporter and sponsor of the Brisbane Bolts.