PM takes lead role

International TV production house Fremantle Media is about to unveil a new series starring Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison that promises to deliver an entirely new genre of screen entertainment.

Fremantle already has a strong international reputation for producing and marketing documentaries, high-end dramas, as well as reality TV shows.

But my industry spies tell me that Fremantle’s newest program will represent an entirely new and unique screen entertainment genre.

As one Fremantle insider told me: “It’s a mix of political drama, reality TV, documentary, quiz show, talent hunt, and sitcom. Nobody has ever tried to mix all those elements together.

“The idea came to a Fremantle senior executive after reading about Mr Morrison’s efforts to build a flat-pack chook pen for his daughters.”

My source told me that the result will be an initial six-part series Oh No Scomo! built around “fly on the wall” footage of Mr Morrison undertaking his day-to-day activities as PM as well as “out of hours” activities like his home handyman projects.

“The focus of each episode will be on the half-arsed formulation and inevitably bungled delivery of a key government initiative and the hilarious fuck-ups that occur as Mr Morrison tries to get it right in vital areas of public policy,” my source said.

“Each episode ends with Mr Morrison uttering a variation on his now familiar catchphrase that starts with ‘I don’t….’ or ‘I’m not…’.

“For instance the pilot episode looks at the PM’s disastrous response to the 2020 bushfire crisis which ends with him saying the now famous: ‘I don’t hold a hose, mate.’

“That one’s already in the can. An episode now being shot centres around the government’s chaotic response to the Christian Porter rape allegations in which the PM brings down the curtain with: ‘I am not the Commissioner of Police.’

“Shooting starts soon on another episode centred around the aged care crisis which will end with Mr Morrison saying: ‘I don’t wipe wrinkled old arses or empty bed pans, mate.’

“I’ve read the script of the episode dealing with the delivery of the COVID-19 vaccine,” the insider said.

“It’ll be a corker, with the PM having the last word with: ‘I don’t hold a syringe, mate.’

“The whole series has ‘Logie winner’ written all over it,” my source told me.

Other episodes being planned include one on the just-announced tourism “rescue package” which the government has been forced to rapidly amend as criticism grows of its hit-and-miss nature.

I am told the episode will be shot soon with the PM responding to critics with: “I don’t fly a plane, mate.”