Fresh memory recall clears Porter!


Under-siege federal Attorney-General Christian Porter has recalled more events from that night in 1988 when he allegedly raped a sixteen-year-old and the recollections have effectively cleared him of any criminal wrongdoing.

Mr Porter, on several weeks’ mental health leave, spoke exclusively to The Bug overnight about the fresh revelations that have vindicated Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s forcibly and oft expressed belief in his complete innocence.

“The only disappointment I had with my performance… sorry, I meant my appearance … at my media conference in Perth the other day was some confusion over whether I had walked that sweet young thing home after our night out,” Mr Porter told us.

“I replied then: ‘That may well be the case’ but when I was then asked: ‘Do you remember walking her to her room though?’ I replied ‘No’.

“And that’s the honest truth. Fortunately, though, with the help of my mental health advisers and a top hypnotherapist who specialises in bringing to the surface suppressed unpleasant memories, I now recall clearly that we did walk back together to her university room.

“But my only desire was to see that young girl home safely. She was, after all, a bit tipsy. And after being in a debating competition with her for a week, I had gotten to know her as a lovely young girl if perhaps one who was more than a little naive as to the ways of the world.

“When we got to her door, she asked if I wanted to come in for a coffee.

“I asked if it was Moccona and when she said no, I naturally enough grabbed her hand and shook it, wished her a good night’s sleep before turning around and hightailing it out of there as fast as I could.

“And that is the absolute truth.

“And as someone who still believes he will be a much-loved, long-serving Australian prime minister one day, would I lie to you?”