OZ DAY HONOURS:
Tennis great Rod Laver has readily agreed to make changes to his life to address a glaring gender disparity that has emerged between him and Margaret Court as the only two Australians honoured with the nation’s highest civilian honour, the Companion of the Order of Australia (AC) for their contributions to the sport.
Laver, 82, was awarded his own AC five years ago and he told The Bug overnight he had always been concerned that Mrs Court had not been honoured in the same way.
“But now that she has, the Australia Day Council has alerted me to a fresh gender disparity between the two of us,” Laver explained from his hometown of Carlsbad, California, as he prepared for his annual trip to Melbourne for the Australian Open.
“What they said made sense so I’ve been more than happy to retrain as a Pentecostal minister and I completed the half-week Hillsong, Sydney, course by correspondence just yesterday.
“And they’ve also been very helpful in helping me set up a small cultish church here called the Blow Me Down Christian Outreach Centre. My church elders are working on an excellent range of Hillsong merchandise to flog at my services right now and our big brass band and massed choir is coming together well and their first CD is going to be a beauty.
“With the help of Jesus Christ my Lord and Master, I have already picked up the skill of talking in tongues to communicate His word to my flock.
“But I must admit I’m having trouble blowing sick people over with my breath but I know that will come in the Lord’s good time. The other stuff has been a pushover, it really has.”
The line to Reverend Laver dropped out before we could respond to his question seeking an assurance that The Bug “had none of those disgusting, poo-packing, vegemite-drilling, chocolate-cha-cha loving, shirt-lifters on its staff”.