McCormack quits as Acting PM

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Nationals leader Michael McCormack has quit as Acting Prime Minister, gaining significant praise from mental welfare organisations for his frank admission that “I’m simply not up to the task”.

In an exclusive interview earlier this morning with The Bug via video link and with his wife Catherine by his side, Mr McCormack said anyone who thought acting like a Liberal prime minister was easy “needed their heads read”.

“Frankly, since Mr Morrison went on a well-deserved break last weekend, I’ve been coming out with some absolute rubbish,” Mr McCormack said, his wife nodding agreement.

Talking from his electorate office in Wagga Wagga in his rural electorate of Riverina, MrMcCormack said: “Did you all hear me the other day saying that facts are sometimes contentious? That the truth is negotiable?

“Have you ever heard such tosh?”

Mrs McCormack: “Now, hon… language!”

“Sorry dear. But it’s true. I then went on to say the Capitol building riots in Washington and the Black Lives Matter marches were similar and compounded that by saying all lives matter.

“I mean, what’s next? Will I be saying of Australians who are struggling in their lives that it’s their own fault because they haven’t loved Jesus enough…”

Mrs McCormack: “But hon, you’ve always..”

“Not now dear. That every Australian who wants a job can get a poorly paid parttime fruit picking job?”

“But, hon… that’s what…”

“Not now dear. Bloody hell, if I didn’t give this away, I’ll start to believe in an imminent Rapture, some silly prosperity doctrine and what, start talking in tongues?”

Mrs McCormack: “Sorry, hon, but last night in your sleep you said something like tera tora cana hana cama whama sacky wacky…”

“Not now dear. No, I’m sorry but … oh, Jesus Christ..”

“Mrs McCormack: “Hon!!!”

“Sorry, I meant Gee Willikers … not again….” Mr McCormack’s hands start to clap happily and Catherine uses her own hands to still her husband’s.

“Thanks dear. I’d hoped that quitting would have put a stop to that.”

“And, hon, what was it with all that smirking over recent days?”

“Yes! Anyway, the bottom line is that acting like a Liberal Prime Minister makes me look even more stupid that the Australian electorate already thinks I am.”

After Mrs McCormack whispers in his ear, the former Acting as a Liberal Prime Minister adds: “Perhaps that didn’t come across quite as I would have liked. Would you mind terribly not using that last bit?”

The Bug: “Sure. No probs.”

Top: Mr McCormack as Acting Like a Liberal Prime Minister, right, and in happier times chatting with a Riverina voter, even further right.