MARKETING:

The proposed change of name for Coon cheese may be delayed by a legal challenge. The Australian arm of Canadian dairy foods manufacturer Saputo Inc has announced its Coon cheese will now be marketed as Cheer cheese in response to a lengthy campaign by anti-racism campaigners. But Townsville man, Ralph Garnett (main picture), said he planned to challenge the company’s decision.

The Bug: Thanks for agreeing to this interview. Just how serious are you in your challenge?

RG: I’ll be going all the way to the High Court if needed to assert my right to indulge in casual racism.

The Bug: It’s sounds like it’s a very personal cause for you.

RG: Of course it is. I come from a long line of casual racists – indeed some professional ones too going way back. I’m prepared to stand up to this sort of political correctness gone mad.

The Bug: Don’t you think you’ll be labelled as a crackpot – someone who is just too far on the Right?

RG: Too right.

The Bug: You agree?

RG: Too right. But that doesn’t matter. I reckon these days you can’t be too Right. Right?

The Bug: But is there such a right?

RG: Again, too right there’s a right and those of us on the Right are right to assert it. Write that down. Right?

The Bug: Write. I mean, right. But how does that so-called right work?

RG: The existence of Coon cheese gave me virtually my last remaining opportunity to use the word in conversation and in public. Apart from when I went to my One Nation meetings of course.

The Bug: Of course.

RG: At gatherings of family and friends I was able to get away with murder, so to speak, by offering around a cheese platter and asking guests if they liked Coon.

The Bug: How did that go down?

RG: Actually it always failed to get a laugh for some reason, especially from my neighbours the Blacks.

The Bug: That’s Blacks with a capital A?

RG: No.

The Bug: I’ll fix that later before publication if I remember.

RG: OKKK.

The Bug: I’ll take out those extra Ks too before publication.

RG: What extra Ks?