Step aside, Jacinda, you his bin, you!

Okay, all of you out there in Bugland, have you got your chuck buckets ready?

Maybe grab two because we’re about to share with you the wisdom of someone by the name of Parnell Palme McGuinness (pictured).

It turns out that this PP McGuiness is the daughter of another PP McGuiness – the late journalist, editor, columnist, and commentator Padraic Pearse or “Paddy” McGuinness who left this world in 2008 but not before making a philosophical journey over his 69 years from the far left days of his youth to end up on the far right.

It seems his daughter has saved time by heading directly to a position even further right than her noted parent.

Parnell Palme McG is managing director strategy and policy at strategic communications firm Agenda C. That’s right. She’s a PR hack.

And with what we’re about to share with you it will come as no surprise that she has done work in the past with the Australian Liberal Party. NO! Really! You’ve got be fucking kidding me!

Still, bucket ready? And please remember: there’s a Guinness that is silky smooth and delicious – and then there’s this one full of tosh and bile and bullshit.

Here’s PPMcG’s opening salvo in an opinion piece in today’s The Sun Herald.

“If 2020 was a popularity contest, then New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern probably won it. Frankly, Australians shouldn’t let the Kiwis get away with another trophy: we have a far better candidate right here, who has achieved much more than her counterpart over the ditch.”

We know, we know! Draw that bucket in closer.

“NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has been a paragon of competence and courage throughout the pandemic year.”

To be fair to Parnellsie, she does mention a few hiccups that our Glad has suffered during the year; that silly little Ruby Princess mishap, that she was a bit on the side, top or bottom for that cad from Wagga Wagga – what is it about decent, 50ish professional women with smarts to burn falling for a lowlife like that, right girls? – and a bit of pork “we all do it” barreling.

But all of these silly little slip-ups – we could throw in the taxpayer-funded trips out to Wagga for some grassroots politicking; the funds thrown the way of some scheme or scam in Daryl Maguire patch – “Gladys, we thought you were Maguire’s patch!” – were all just but a small blemish on Glady’s sow’s ear as PPMcG turned her into a silk purse, one that all the good folk of NSW should be honoured to have and to hold preciously to their proud-as-punch chests.

Through it all, Parnell Palme McGuiness gushes on, “Berejiklian kept steady, acknowledging failures and addressing them. She has ended the year strong, a model of ‘proportionality’, to use her word.”

GO YOU GOOD THING!

No, it turns out that Shredder stands proudly at the head of the greatest managers of economies in any government anywhere in the world – EVER! – and further, just to show that PPMcG hasn’t been following the media lately, has handled COVID-19 brilliantly. She might have used “gold standard” if that hadn’t already been done to death.

But it’s this comparison with New Zealand’s Jacinda Ardern that makes us suggest you quickly empty those buckets for what’s to come, for this shameless PR hack finishes with a flourish:

“So there are plenty of plaudits to go around. But more importantly, there is an important lesson about politics that all this good government can teach us.

“It would at this point be possible to compare and contrast to other state governments, but in the spirit of Christmas charity it is perhaps better not. Suffice to say, that NSW has produced a leader who runs a state more populous than the nation of New Zealand, who has a much greater claim to Jacinda’s popularity crown.”

Rooootthhh! Spit. Spit. Spit. Rooootttthhhhh!

Parnellsie would undoubtedly think that the image of Tony Abbott chomping on an onion is the greatest image of culinary class and gourmondly genius ever; one that would make Nigella Lawson sipping on a wholesome winter soup she’s just made look like a fat old sow slurping on a trough of slops.

Don Gordon-Brown