Hard border return welcomed

SURFERS PARADISE: Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk’s decision to reimpose a hard border crossing with New South Wales has been welcomed by the Gold Coast sub-branch of the Queensland Villains Union.

“It’s great to see all those coppers employed again to stop vehicles coming into the state on the M1, the old Gold Coast Highway and other border crossings,” a spokesman (pictured above) for the QVU’s local chapter said.

“COVID-19 hit our members very hard early in the year. People staying at home made it harder to burgle houses and there were fewer people out and about to con, pickpocket, assault and occasionally murder.

“And the chances of getting nicked were always high until the first hard border went up and all those coppers were needed to monitor northbound traffic.

“The hard border’s return will allow our members to get on with trying to make a dishonest living and a chance hopefully to herald in a more prosperous and happier 2021 for them and their families.”

The QVU’s local spokesman said people had to realise that with CCTV just about everywhere now and with almost everyone with a mobile phone, making a dishonest living had just become harder and harder over recent years.

“And with limited pickings, we just don’t have the readies to buy off the entire Queensland cop force anymore like we could in the good old days.”

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SYDNEY: Police have released more details of the armed man they shot dead in a suburban street in the city’s inner west yesterday afternoon.

“He also had two feet,” a spokesperson said.

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CANBERRA: The Prime Minister’s Office has slammed as “heartless and vindictive” a fresh image being spread on social media purporting to show Scott Morrison once again back holidaying in Hawaii just about a year after his previous trip there brought him such political grief.

“Police in Hawaii have confirmed that the image being circulated (below, left) was staged over recent days by a prankster who employed Scott and Jenny Morrison lookalikes for the shoot,” a PMO source said.

“For security reasons, we are once again forced to categorically deny the Morrisons are in Hawaii but this time we’re not lying.

“The Father of the Nation and the best Wartime Leader this country might be lucky enough to have in the not too distant future is indeed on holidays at an undisclosed location where he, Jenny and their two beautiful daughters are having a well-deserved break after a year that has left the PM mentally and physically exhausted. His workload has been enormous.

“This disgraceful, dodgy, politically motivated photo has the fingerprints of the Labor Party and more specifically a desperate, cellar-dwelling Anthony Albanese and corrupt Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews all over it.”