Commander Sean Conley, White House physician: My goodness me, Mr President, I’m glad you called me down. This doesn’t look good.
Donald Trump, 45th and soon to be ex-President of the United States: I know! I know!
Conley: When did it turn white?
Trump: When all those illegal votes started pouring in for Sleepy, Dopey, Braindead Joe Biden.
Conley: Each and every hair?
Trump: The whole 124 of them.
Conley: What about your body hair?
Trump: White as grannie’s knickers.
Trump: Where you’re sitting is fine.
Conley: No, I mean your motions. Are they …
Trump: White as a fresh dump of winter snow, so to speak.
Conley: My goodness. And that yellow stripe right down your back you’ve had since you developed foot bone spurs in your late teenage years?
Trump: White. Pure white. Can’t even see where it used to be.
Conley: Well at least your face is still a nice bright orange.
Trump: Thank you. But it’s all bright white underneath. The White House beautician really had to trowel it on thick this morning.
Conley: Still, your face did contrast nicely with the late-blooming flowers in the Rose Garden this morning.
Trump: Thank you.
Conley: How about Melania…. oh, please excuse me, sir … I meant the First Lady.
Trump: White as a ghost. Whiter even than the driven snow.
Conley: And did she turn white when all those illegal votes for Sleepy …. I mean Joe Biden started pouring in as well?
Trump: A bit later, after I phoned her bedroom in the other wing and told her it looked like our legal strategies to turn the electoral college vote around were working well and I’d get a second term.