Commander Sean Conley, White House physician: My goodness me, Mr President, I’m glad you called me down. This doesn’t look good.

Donald Trump, 45th and soon to be ex-President of the United States: I know! I know!

Conley: When did it turn white?

Trump: When all those illegal votes started pouring in for Sleepy, Dopey, Braindead Joe Biden.

Conley: Each and every hair?

Trump: The whole 124 of them.

Conley: What about your body hair?

Trump: White as grannie’s knickers.

Conley: Stools?

Trump: Where you’re sitting is fine.

Conley: No, I mean your motions. Are they …

Trump: White as a fresh dump of winter snow, so to speak.

Conley: My goodness. And that yellow stripe right down your back you’ve had since you developed foot bone spurs in your late teenage years?

Trump: White. Pure white. Can’t even see where it used to be.

Conley: Well at least your face is still a nice bright orange.

Trump: Thank you. But it’s all bright white underneath. The White House beautician really had to trowel it on thick this morning.

Conley: Still, your face did contrast nicely with the late-blooming flowers in the Rose Garden this morning.

Trump: Thank you.

Conley: How about Melania…. oh, please excuse me, sir … I meant the First Lady.

Trump: White as a ghost. Whiter even than the driven snow.

Conley: And did she turn white when all those illegal votes for Sleepy …. I mean Joe Biden started pouring in as well?

Trump: A bit later, after I phoned her bedroom in the other wing and told her it looked like our legal strategies to turn the electoral college vote around were working well and I’d get a second term.