Shocked nation recovering slowly

HEALTH MATTERS:

Hospitals around Australia are finally starting to clear clogged outpatients departments and free up crucial beds as they discharge countless patients suffering from acute shock and heart palpitations after hearing the federal government may have won several recent elections using “dishonest” and “cynical” tactics.

The unbelievable concept was put into viewers’ shocked minds on Tuesday night when ABC 7.30 presenter Leigh Sales interviewed Treasurer Josh Frydenberg following his Budget address.

Sales asked the Treasurer: “For years and years, the Coalition went on about Labor’s debt and deficit disaster. You argued that taking the Budget into deficit, building up debt, was a sign of economic incompetence and mismanagement… and now that is what you are doing as a form of responsible economic management?”

Frydenberg countered with the usual lines that only the Coalition delivered sound fiscal economic management and Labor’s GFC response included baked-in debt and pink batts.

But then Sales hit Frydenberg with an accusation that clearly stunned him: “You are not addressing the principle that I’m talking about here …[the claim of Labor debt and deficit disaster] was always dishonest and cynical as your current policy response proves…?”

Frydenberg: “I think you are being cynical today.”

The Bug understands that even though Frydenberg then tried once more to explain that the difference between massive Labor and Coalition debt was that only the LNP managed economies well, Triple O calls were being made all around the country and ambulances began rushing shocked viewers to hospital emergency departments.

The Bug spoke to one distraught wife, Thora Thacklewaite, as she sat by her comatosed husband Herb’s bed at the Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney.

“Herb’s voted Liberal all his life and the mere suggestion that any of the Abbott, Turnbull and Morrison governments had acted dishonestly was too much for him.

“He stood up in our loungeroom, swore at Leigh Sales on the tele over her unprofessional and biased performance, shouted that he had followed the LNP’s Labor debt and deficit bus through the 2013 campaign and had been horrified by the amount mentioned on its side and that no Coalition government could ever do worse than that and that the nation should be grateful that the Coalition continued to hammer away at Labor’s debt and deficit disaster through the 2016 and 2019 election campaigns, and then clutched his chest, shouted ‘my head hurts’ and fainted dead away.”