Handing it to the experts

Washington, DC: Was a body double used for US President Donald Trump’s controversial slow drive-past to supporters outside the Walter Reed Hospital yesterday?

Not so, according to forensic experts who have pored over footage of the president’s vehicle, The Beast, as it made several laps to the delight of Republican supporters (main picture).

“We’ve examined digitally both still photographs and video of the event and we are more than confident that was the president in the back seat,” one said.

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NEW JERSEY, USA: Dr Gregory House has been dismissed from his senior residency at the Princeton–Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in New Jersey after brilliantly diagnosing a patient’s exceptionally rare illness towards the end of a long and painful shift but keeping it secret for fear of the disease hearing about it and steering itself in a new and more serious direction.

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MARYLAND, USA: Hours out from being discharged from the Walter Reed veterans hospital after receiving the best possible medical care available anywhere in the world, a fighting-fit US president Donald Trump has tweeted to his fellow Americans, especially dirt-poor African-American and Hispanic folk with no health cover: “Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life.”

His comments were echoed by a spokesperson for the 200,000-plus Americans who have died of COVID-19.

“I can safely say that most, if not all of them, feel better now than they did 20 years ago.”

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WASHINGTON DC: US President Donald Trump on his return to the White House has immediately doubled down on Twitter in response to those angered over his “nobody should be afraid of” the COVID-19 virus comments.

“Over 200,000 dead is fake news, people. And I’m sure those whose lives have been claimed by the China-Biden virus would support my statements,” Mr Trump tweeted.

“I know for a fact that they will all be voting for me on election day, especially those who lived in swing states.”