Libs play mug’s game

anews in brief dinkus

The federal Liberal Party has revamped its controversial “Back in the Black” mugs in light of the latest national economic indicators showing the COVID-19 pandemic has sent the economy into a deep recession.

“As you know we originally released the mugs as a merchandising initiative in the wake of Josh Frydenberg’s last Budget that predicted a surplus for 2019-20,” a senior Liberal Party staffer said.

“Admittedly we were a bit overconfident, not just in the original budgetary prediction but also in our response to what we thought was a fantastic merchandising and fundraising opportunity.

“Luckily the Chinese company making the mugs agree to take back the many container-loads we’d had delivered and they’ve all been updated with what we think are more realistic slogans.”

Broncos ponder a swap

The AFL has refused to comment on rumours that the Brisbane Broncos NRL team has applied for urgent approval to swap codes.

In the wake of the AFL’s decision to award the rights to host the game’s 2020 grand final to Queensland, suggestions emerged from the Red Hill headquarters of the Broncos that the team was working on an 11th hour bid to join the national Aussie rules competition.

While AFL officials remained tight-lipped, an anonymous source at the Broncos confirmed the move.

“The boys have had a shithouse year. They’re facing their eighth humiliating defeat in a  row and we’ve just lost our coach,” the source said.

“So why not make a clean break and swap to AFL? At least if we end up as the AFL wooden spooners we’ll have the excuse of having joined the comp late.

“As it stands, if we carry on with the NRL everyone will know the truth — that we’re just crap and we’ve been arrogantly relying on past glories to stay afloat.”

EV firms agree

Manufacturers of electric vehicles have agreed on standards for what they believe eventually will be mandatory requirements for their ultra-quiet cars to emit a warning noise to alert and protect pedestrians (pictured).

1evwarningIn a global online hook-up, electric car makers including Tesla, Volvo, Toyota, and others agreed to develop and install a uniform warning noise that would play the same role as the natural engine sounds of petrol-powered vehicles.

“People can hear petrol-engines but electric cars are almost silent which can lead to collisions with pedestrians,” a statement issued after the meeting said.

“As a result we see the need to install a device that emits a warning noise for pedestrians and we have decided to use extracts from speeches by former Australian prime minister Tony Abbott.

“We recognise that whenever Mr Abbott makes a public statement people do tend to take notice. They are definitely alert and are inclined to be slightly alarmed. So it’s a perfect fit.”