Brave PM shuns bravery awards call

PRIDE IN OUR PM:

Pressure is mounting for Prime Minister Scott Morrison to be awarded Australia’s highest civilian bravery award multiple times as more incidents emerge from that amazing day of heroism in which the PM saved the life of the woman at Kurnell on Sydney’s southside.

Retiree Cheryl Ferguson has vowed to vote Liberal from now on after the PM saw her trip and crash onto rocks late last month, leaving her with a broken arm and severed artery.

An angry PM shouted at his security detail to catch up as he rushed over to Cheryl who was quickly bleeding out, reset her broken arm and applied a tourniquet from a Sharkies t-shirt the nation’s leader was wearing under his suit.

It can now be revealed that earlier that day, while exercising on nearby Wanda Beach, Mr Morrison leapt into the surf after hearing the terrified screams of a young surfer in great distress 30 metres out.

The PM shouted at his security detail to catch up as he reached the stricken surfer, punched what turned out to be a juvenile but fully grown Great White shark in the snout, turned the surfer on his side, cupped a prime ministerial arm around the lad’s chin and applied mouth to mouth resuscitation as he sidestroked to shore using his St Johns Ambulance Brigade training.

It can also now be revealed that some hours after saving Mrs Ferguson’s life and after returning home after completing the rest of his day’s formal duties, Mr Morrison stumbled across an armed robbery in progress in a 7-11 convenience store near his home where he had gone to buy a few last-minute supplies to cook wife Jen and two daughters a lovely curry for tea.

Realising that, once again, he couldn’t wait for second-responders to arrive, the PM calmly disarmed two machette-wielding ice addicts and despite a number of ugly cuts to both arms performed a citizen’s arrest on both before slipping modestly away as soon as police arrived.

It can also be revealed that on his way back home, Mr Morrison observed a serious two-car accident that left one car upside down and on fire.

The PM smashed a side window of the Holden Captiva, crawled inside and unbuckled all seven members of a local family on their way to evening hillsong, and tended to their wounds until ambulances arrived.

A spokesperson for Mr Morrison said the PM was mortified that details about his various acts of amazing bravery on the day had now surfaced.

“The PM really does cherish his image as the sports-loving daggy dad next door and he really does fear that this special bond with his fellow Australians could be broken were people to know just how amazingly brave he can be, unlike them.”

The Bug has since contacted the shark attack victim, the convenience store staff and the church-going family of seven and, like Mrs Ferguson, all said they owed their lives to Mr Morrison and although none had ever voted Liberal before would most certainly be doing so from now on.