Beattie ordered into therapy  

EXCLUSIVE:

1beattieshockaaaFormer Queensland premier Peter Beattie has been given a metaphorical slap-down by incumbent Annastacia Palaszczuk for his recent public comments about how he would boost the state’s economy (pictured).

Beattie’s intervention in the public debate in the lead-up to the October Queensland election has not helped the Labor Party’s prospects as it allowed unfriendly News Corp media outlets to claim he has an economic plan while the Palaszczuk Government doesn’t.

The government has since ordered Mr Beattie to attend a session with a speech therapist to see if his problem of repeatedly making public comments could be addressed. Here The Bug publishes a transcript of their first session, with the therapist not identified by name at their request.

 

Speech therapist: Now, Mr Beattie let’s start with something simple. Can you say “no”?

Peter Beattie: Yes.

ST: No, not “yes”, “no”.

PB: Yes I know. “No”.

ST:  What?

PB: Yes, I can say “no”. I know “no”.

ST: You do?

PB: Yes. “No”.

ST: OK, now “comment”.

PB: Well I’m not in politics any more and I don’t speak to the media but if I were premier I’d have a 10-point plan that would …..

ST: No, no. Hang on. Don’t comment.

PB: But you said “OK, now comment”. I heard you.

ST: Yes. I meant “no” now “comment”.

PB: Well I’m not in politics any more and I don’t speak to the media but if I were premier I’d have a 10-point plan that would …..

ST: No, no, no. It’s “no comment”. I’m trying to get you to say “no comment”.

PB: OK.

ST: Now you’ve said “no”, right?

PB: Yes. “No”.

ST: Now “comment”.

PB: Look, I’m not in politics any more and I don’t speak to the media but if I were premier I’d have a 10-point plan that …..

ST: Stop, stop. It’s very simple it’s “no” then …..

PB: Speaking of simple, I’m just a simple country lad from Atherton in Far North Queensland and I’m not in politics any more and I don’t speak to ….

ST: OK, let me stop you there. I’m now going to do a word-association test with you. I’ll say a word — any old word — and you say the first word that comes into your mind. OK?

PB: Well I’m not in politics any more and I don’t speak to the media but if I were premier I’d have a 10-point plan that would …..

ST: What are you doing?

PB: Word association. You said “OK”, so I said the first word that came into my head.

ST: No, I hadn’t started yet. Besides that was a sentence not a word.

PB: Oh.

ST: Now let’s start again. Right?

PB: I’m-not-in-politics-any-more-and-I-don’t-speak-to-the-media-but-if-I-were-premier-I’d-have-a…..

ST: No. Stop. I hadn’t started, and again that was a sentence.

PB: But you said “right”, and my response was a word. Hyphenated, for sure, but a word.

ST: Look, I think we’ll go straight to electro-shock. I’m going to give you a series of mild-to-severe electric shocks through those cables I stuck onto your skull earlier (main picture) and after each one you say the first thing that comes into your head.

PB: OK.

ST: Let’s start.

 At this stage the transcript goes on for several dozen pages with the therapist administering electric shocks of escalating severity and Mr Beattie responding by citing the names, email addresses, and 10-digit mobile phone numbers of journalists around Australia.