Trumpeting a great month ahead….

astars dinkusOkay, you’ve probably all woken up this morning with terrible hangovers after attending New Financial Year’s Eve parties – all at an appropriate social distance, of course.

And you’re wondering once your head stops throbbing what else is ahead for you in the next 12 months.

If anyone’s going to keep us safe in 2020-21, it’s our world famous soothsayer who predicts exclusively for The Bug.

So step out with positive intent in the knowledge that Kisma will keep us all safe in the New Financial Year!

Why not hop in the car and visit another state if you like … oops, sorry Victoria!

CANCER
June 21 – July 22

It really is a pity that a good-looking star sign like you hasn’t played a bigger role in Donald Trump’s life or…. , well let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

LEO
July 23 – August 22

You are not at all surprised to hear that captains in all the NRL sides have made such terribly bad decisions to date in their “captain’s challenges” to referee rulings that the process will now be known as the Tim Paine Challenge.

VIRGO
August 23 – September 22

You have a dream that as the November US election draws closer the more responsible and upright American mainstream media outlets jettison their ethical reporting standards and start treating Donald Trump exactly as he has treated them (main picture).

LIBRA
September 23 – October 22

You can’t understand why Scott Morrison is not visiting the bushfire ravaged zones of the Eden-Monaro electorate especially now that he can’t shake hands with anybody even if he wanted to.

SCORPIO
October 23 – November 21

You realise just how really, really bad Donald Trump has been as US President when you stop to consider that former national security adviser and far-right warmonger John Bolton now looks good by comparison.

SAGITTARIUS
November 22 – December 21

You retire to bed early after hearing several news bulletin in a row in which Nick Kyrgios makes good sense.

CAPRICORN
December 22 – January 19

You suspect you’re not alone when you hear on the news that Australia is going to spend billions on new state-of-the-art 300km-range stealth missiles from the United States and automatically think: “I wonder what the fuck’s wrong with them?”

AQUARIUS
January 20 – February 18

You wonder if all the excitement over Australia and New Zealand winning  the staging rights for the 2023 Women’s Football World Cup might be a little premature, seeing there’s every chance international flights will still be grounded by then.

PISCES
February 19 – March 20

Considering you personally know a number of young people gleefully socking their Jobkeeper payments away that are far greater than the shitty wages they were getting pre-coronavirus, you are just thankful the LNP are by far the better economic managers and spend public money far more wisely … otherwise these young folk could probably retire after this is all over and who the fuck’s going to make our coffees then?

ARIES
March 21 – April 19

You wonder if it’s terribly wrong to want the Cronulla Sharks to be defeated soundly every time they take to the NRL field just because it would wipe the smirk off Scott Morrison’s face.

TAURUS
April 20 – May 20

After months spent lodging job applications with no result you decide you might be better pursuing your dream of working in the cruise ship industry only after you change your birth name from Ruby Princess.

GEMINI
May 21 – June 20

You start to suspect a return to a two-airline policy for Australia’s skies might be pie-in- the-sky stuff after the remaining bidder declares its best chance of making Virgin Australia profitable if it flies a helluva lot less than it used to.