CRISIS IN THE US of A:
The White House has admitted overnight that the book US President Donald Trump held up outside that historic Washington church was not the bible but one of his little black dating books.
“It was a simple and honest mistake,” a presidential aide told The Bug.
“He just grabbed from his Oval Office desk what he thought was his personal bible that he loves to read in between official meetings and delegations and the like.”
Asked why the 73-year-old president would have one of his dating books from his “mad-rooting bachelor days” on his desk, the aide responded: “From his mad-rooting bachelor days? Yeah, let’s say that. I love it. You crazy Ossies.
“We knew it had to be an accident when the President grabbed his ‘Fake Blondes’ dating book. He hates that book and never uses … sorry, never used it back in his days of sowing his wild oats as an incredibly handsome young man with a yuge ….
The Bug: “Ego?”
The aide: “Yes, let’s say that. Almost all the names in it were marked down after what inevitably became disappointing one-night stands.
“And fair enough too. Imagine a situation where you grab a blonde woman at some official function by the pussy and she obviously then wants to have hot sex with you.
“The Secret Service quickly secures a room for a bit of rumpy pumpy accompanied by some taped ‘Impaled by the Chief’ music and you’re about to get down to business only to discover you’re not going to have quite as much fun as the colour of her head hair suggested.”
The aide refused to comment when asked if it were true that some of President Trump’s other little black dating books were labelled: “Mentally disturbed chicks that go off like a Katharine wheel”, “Girls with East-West Engines”, “Lady Boys”, and “Angela Merkel”.