King-kicker Bolts star: ‘I have no regrets’

SUPREME SPORTS:

One of the Brisbane Bolts’ most revered and sectioned players has expressed no regrets after video appeared overnight of him king-kicking a pub patron’s head clean off.

“I might have had a few,” Peter “The Pustule” Poyton said of the video he himself sent to the executive of the JDG, the game’s governing body.

“Of course, I sincerely regret my actions,” Poyton, the Bolts’ defence quadrant deboweller says of the tape.

“But when you’ve been waiting patiently in line at the bar for an order of 20 refreshing moonshots to end the night’s fun – and whatever the other lads wanted as well – what are you supposed to do when some areshole cuts in and breaks the ‘who’s next’ rule?”

Poyton has appealed to the JDG for leniency but while he says he’s prepared to accept any penalty over his actions he believes he should be credited for being the one who released the tape after being subject to blackmail.

“These pricks sent me the tape and demanded $1 million which I gladly paid. They made a second demand and I forked up that too but when the third demand came I thought: ‘Fuck it. Enough’s enough?”

Brisbane Bolts’ lawyer Dickie Shearman, who is also the JDG’s senior counsel, said he expected Poyton to be exonerated completely now that the defence of provocation had been clearly established by the tape’s release.

Brisbane Bolts general manager and former CEO Terry Verandah agreed, saying the incident when boiled down to its core was basically some harmless hijinks, a little bit of rough and tumble horseplay between a couple of spirited men who maybe had had a few too many.

JDG acting chair Sir Lilian Pansy, who happened to be out with the Bolts players on the night said of the tape: “How about that king-kick? That’s a one-in-a-milion shot. You had to be there to see the look on the poor bastard’s face moments before one of the Pustule’s size-17 steel-capped Ikea workboots made contact and his head ended up in the adjoining dining room.”

The team’s head coach Jack Saunders added: “It’s a salutary lesson for all young people as venues slowly reopen after COVID-19 to practice proper bar-service etiquette.”

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Disclaimer: The Bug has been a long-term sponsor and part-owner of the mighty Brisbane Bolts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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