Report savages historic role of ABC

NATIONAL BROADCASTER MAULED:

The age of the dinosaurs would still have ended in extinction even if the Australian Broadcasting Corporation had existed then to report on its demise or even communicate ways it might have been avoided, a leading Australian think-tank has concluded.

“Of course, it would have been known then as the Australian Broadcasting Commission if it had existed,” the Sydney Institute says in its powerful yet scathing three-volume 1234-page report on the role the ABC had played through history.

Of the ABC’s role at the time of the demise of the world’s dinosaurs and whether it had played any role in trying to prevent the worldwide wipeout of some of the planet’s largest ever creatures, the report’s lead author Gerard Henderson (above) writes scathingly: “Turn in up. The ABC wasn’t even there!

“It had absolutely no role in attempts to prevent the mass extinction; that was left, as history tells us, to the good people of towns such as Bedrock who made baby dinosaurs their household pets and provided work for adult dinosaurs with fair pay for a fair day’s work at town’s quarries.”

The report also slams the role the national broadcaster did not play over the centuries that the plague terrorised much of Europe and caused countless millions of deaths until medical advances and an understanding of the source of the disease and improved hygiene standards finally brought it under control.

“Turn it up,” the report says. “The ABC wasn’t even there during that entire time, particularly the Black Death in the 14th Century.

“European countries finally brought the plague under control with absolutely no help from the ABC.

“Let’s repeat this: the ABC played no part whatsoever in keeping citizens informed as to where the plague was rampant at any point in history and how spinning around in circles three times while chanting ancient oaths could ward of the disease.”

Both these scathing criticisms appear in Volume 1 of the report covering the period from when God created the earth 6700 years ago until the birth of his only son, Jesus Christ.

The second volume covers the welcome spread of Christianity around the globe in the first millennium AD through to medieval times and up to the age of enlightenment and the expansion of the railways during Victorian England.

“Did the ABC play any role in that wonderful Age of Reason, that intellectual and philosophical movement that dominated the world of ideas in Europe from the 17th to 19th centuries?” Mr Henderson asked during The Bug’s exclusive interview with him at the Sydney Institute’s HQ this morning to mark the release of the report.

“Turn it up,” Henderson told The Bug. “The ABC wasn’t even there!”

“And it’s probably for the best it wasn’t around in 19th Century Great Britain so its left-leaning journos could complain about how all those steam engines were affecting air quality and blackening the cities.

“Turn it up,” Henderson told The Bug. “The ABC wasn’t even there!”

The third volume covers Australian life since Captain James Cook discovered the uninhabited country in 1770 and “the ABC’s dereliction of duty for much of that time”.

In it, Henderson writes with conviction: “Turn it up. The ABC, which was founded in 1932, was not there in (i) 1851 (when on Black Thursday Victoria had its worst ever bushfires and a quarter of its land was burnt), (ii) 1878 when bushranger Ned Kelly murdered three Victorian policemen, (iii) the First World War of 1914-1918, (iv) the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918-1919 and (v) the beginning of the Great Depression in 1929. Somehow Victoria got through all this without the ABC.”

During our interview Mr Henderson apologised repeatedly for appearing with heavy urine stains over much of his trousers.

“I got an unexpected call from former prime minister John Howard this morning,” he explained.