Cruising into a new future

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Cruise lines around the world have begun working on the next generation of their fleets in a bid to recapture a market eroded by the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic.

A rendering of one of the first new designs (main picture) has been released by Princess Cruises for its proposed Covid Princess, a successor to the Ruby Princess cruise ship which it plans to retire.

“We will also soon be releasing designs for our planned new fleet that will include the Corona Princess, Pneumonia Princess, and Petri-Dish Princess,” a company spokesperson said.

“All of these new ships will be bigger and better than our current fleet and will all be able to fit many more bodies, I mean passengers, on board.

“Our company wants to be ready to re-enter the market just as soon as travel restrictions are lifted.”


North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has reappeared in public after being missing for several weeks.

1kimjonunbodybldA North Korean government spokesperson said the nation’s Supreme Leader had not been unwell or close to death as suggested by “trouble-making western capitalist revisionist media running dogs”.

“Our Supreme Leader is more fit and well as he has ever been as the world can see from photographs of his visit to a new fertilizer plan show (pictured),” the spokesperson said.

“Our glorious leader has not been sick, nor has he had extensive cosmetic surgery, body sculpting or sub-cutaneous implants.

“In addition, all of our glorious people are very healthy, very well fed, and not one has been treated for the coronavirus.”


US President Donald Trump says he remains at a loss to explain a spike in reports of people being treated at hospital emergency departments after drinking disinfectant.1trumpdettol

In an interview conducted in the Oval Office at the White House (pictured), Mr Trump said he had wracked his brain to identify any statement or event that might have led to people ingesting the potentially fatal substances.

“I think the idea probably originated in Jina,” he speculated. “That’s all I can put it down to.”