Head coach of the Brisbane Bolts, Jack Saunders, says he won’t be taking any disciplinary action against players accused of breaking current social isolation and social distancing rules.
Saunders was backed by the Bolts’ club CEO Terry Veranda who described media attention of the alleged breach of coronavirus isolation rules as “a shitstorm generated by vindictive grubs in the lamestream, fake news, media”.
“These turds on legs in the media wouldn’t know the pressure our boys have been under since the coronavirus pandemic hit and we had to suspend training and the JDG scrapped the game’s national matches schedule,” Veranda said while wildly slashing at reporters with a carving knife outside the club’s Brisbane offices late last night.
“I’ve considered all the facts about the alleged ‘incident’ that supposedly occurred earlier in the evening and I find our boys did nothing wrong. All the girls were paid, very well as usual, so our blokes should be allowed to play in the very limited competition the JDG is planning for the rest of 2020.”
Vision uploaded to social media platform Kik Kok sparked questions about alleged breaches of social distancing rules by several key Bolts players.
The footage, appearing on the social media feed of the club’s centre ground right planer “Big” Dick Biggs showed Biggs (main picture) and three other unidentified Bolts players at an undisclosed location participating with at least eight young female “fans” in a naked Twister game while smeared in cooking oil.
Other footage showed the participants performing a conga line version of the lambada, again without clothes.
The vision then shows a goat being led into the room and being shaved and oiled, but the footage ends as someone, believed to be Biggs, puts his hand over the mobile phone camera lens.
The Brisbane Bolts’ legal defence team, led by colourful Sydney racing, property development and legal identity Dicky Shearman, this morning issued threatening letters to media outlets which had covered the alleged incident.
The letters did not cite any statutes, legal precedents, or defences but simply detailed a range of immense physical injuries that would befall reporters who persisted in following the story.
Saunders dismissed the allegations against the group of his players and Biggs in particular.
“It’s just a bit of hi-jinks – just some good natured horseplay,” Saunders said.
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